Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - September 24, 2021

Friday Chat w/ Vlad

Hey it’s Vlad. Ok so I’m not dead, I’m just totally exhausted. We had a group of researchers from the Canine Science Collaboratory at ASU out doing behavioral testing on us. Me, being the leader, had to make sure everyone played their part. Us Russian foxes had to be super friendly and yet sly and cunning. The American girls had to just try to hold it together. And then there’s Lucan our resident #dorkwolf. He just needed to be regal and aloof. Did he succeed? Have you seen the video of him? He wasn’t aloof, he was a great big doof. It wasn’t enough that he ran right up to this stranger and started licking him, he had to climb on him and get right in his grill. It looked like he was giving this poor guy a lap dance. Luckily the tester was a professional and took everything in stride. I, however, was mortified.

This test is designed to quantify how much canids like people, both familiar and unfamiliar. It consists of having a person sit in the middle of a 1 meter circle. The amount of time we spend in the circle with the human is recorded and used to determine how social we are. Dogs, for instance spend nearly all their time with the person. Foxes spend somewhat less….and #dorkwolves? Once again you’ve seen that Greek tragedy. This group has been collecting data for several years and should have a paper coming out soon. While we were not able to see the data, from what I heard and saw us Russian Foxes are going to be deemed as pretty special. And what about #dorkwolves? Don’t even get me started. I think we may have to send him away to join the circus, he would fit right in with the clowns.

Vlad out

Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - September 10, 2021

Friday Chat w/ Vlad

Hey it’s Vlad. Ok, so heads are going to roll. One of my “friends” here, thought it would a good idea to leak one of my baby photos to the interwebs in an attempt to embarrass me. I am sure you all can relate . You know the scenario. You’re sitting around with family and friends looking at photos when suddenly one is revealed that makes you want to hide under the cheese tray. It’s you, two years old, naked, fat rolls like the Michelin man, sitting on the potty with a silly grin on your face. Or better yet, naked, dimpled ass hoisted into the air, laying on a shag rug and once again, silly grin on face. Then of course there are the bathtub photos. Friends and family get quite a kick seeing you squirm, while you are trying to pretend you are not humiliated. Of course whichever of my “friends” posted this will have their ploy fail. Why?? Because I was the cutest baby ever, that’s why. And the rolls that might appear to be baby fat in the picture, are actually composed of baby muscle. Regardless of the failure, this betrayal will not go unanswered. Some say that revenge is a dish best served cold...I say no way, it is best served with a flaming bag of poo 💩. I just need to figure out the perpetrator. Viktor, Maksa and Mikhail are always too busy with their pub crawls, photo sessions and encounters to do something like this. That leaves one of the Novosibirsk nine, Lucan and the Coyote girls. Agnes and Wilson, the yote girls, are still getting used to stuff around here so I don’t think they did it. One of the Novo nine certainly would have the motive, jealousy, and the means, but maybe not the opportunity since we are together all the time. This dastardly deed would certainly fit the modus operandi of the #dorkwolf, and we have had dust ups in the past, but I don’t think he would have access to this picture. He would need an accomplice. I did see Panda 🐼 and Lucan together the other day. They will pay.

Vlad out

Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - September 3, 2021

Friday Chat w/ Vlad

Hey it’s Vlad. During the course of our chats you have had the incredible opportunity to get to know many aspects of me. You have learned about Vlad the leader, Vlad the conservationist, Vlad the humorist, Vlad the musician and Vlad the romantic. The side you have not seen yet is Vlad the cultured intellectual. So today we will rectify that with a poetry reading. Here is a poem by Stuart Hill

A VERSUS OF VIXENS
A versus of vixens
Cracked the day
In bright brittle shards
Of scattered screams
And broken barks.
We thought squirrels
Had been trapped
In a cage of teeth
And intents of death
But instead
Two living flames
Of rivalry,
Russet red with rage,
Fought a war
In lexicons
of fox and ferocity.
Until one withdrew
In a tumbled tangle
Of limbs and loss,
Bloodied and bowed
By whatever wounding word
Had found its mark.

Ok, so this poem says a lot about foxes. We are often all bark and no bite. If you guys could hear Sophie and Laika screaming you would know exactly what I am talking about. I would also say we are looking at iambic pentameter here with a delightful usage of alliteration. I also see the symbolism that alludes to the existential threat that occurs when ones color is described as a type of potato.

That was fun, here is one by D Rodgers called What Does the Fox Say

Vulpine barhopper
bays pick up line to new moon
Mama-dum-day-do

This one is in the form of haiku which is a Japanese form of poetry. Foxes are revered in Japan where they have shrines dedicated to them. I think a Vlad shrine would be delightful by the way. Back to the poem. Who doesn’t like the use of onomatopoeia in a poem.

And lastly and certainly not leastly here is a Vlad original.

There was this fox who liked eating ducks
Which made many around call him a schmucks
He said what’s the big deal
What I have for my meal
Frankly I just don’t give two fox.

I am sure you can all see the masterful usage of both the implicit and the explicit when describing the plight of this fox just trying satisfy his gastronomic desires. Do any of you have any favorite fox poems you would like to talk about?

Vlad out

Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - August 27, 2021

Friday Chat w/ Vlad

Hey it’s Vlad. Sometimes conservation work gives me whiplash. For every bit of good new, there seems to be an equal amount of bad news. So which would you like first the good news or the bad news? It turns out you humans have actually studied this. When you ask which news people want first, 78% of them say they would like the bad news first. However, when you ask the person (or fox I imagine) which news they would like to give first, most say the good news. Further, when you examine the mood of the individual after both pieces of news, those that got the bad news first were happier. So it would make me happy to give you the good news first but it would make you happy to get the bad news first. Seeing as I am such a selfless giver, I will tell you the bad news first.

You know how wolves were recently removed from the endangered species list right. And then you know how the states where the majority of wolves live started campaigns to exterminate them? It was said that this policy was a product of the last people in charge and the new people in charge would surely reverse this policy. We now know the answer to this question. The current people in charge decided it was ok for the states to keep killing wolves. Doesn’t this just frost you? Wolves are such important members of the ecosystem and yet some people think it’s a good idea to reduce their numbers to levels that set back conservation efforts by many years.

Ok, so now the good news. You have probably heard about the fires burning in Northern California. Some of these fires are in an area that is known to be inhabited by two wolf packs, the Lassen pack and the Whaleback pack. Given the magnitude of these fires biologists were fearful that none of these wolves could have survived. A recent expedition sent out to check on the status of the packs found them alive and well. When the researchers approached the pack they immediately ran away but the biologists did spot this years puppies. GPS data from the tracking collar on the mother shows when the fire burned through she stayed with her pups instead of fleeing for safety. What a mom.

Vlad out

Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - August 20, 2021

Friday Chat w/ Vlad

Hey it’s Vlad. So did everyone miss me? I know, that is a silly question, of course you missed me. So let me tell you I had quite an experience last week. I was sitting in my house having very deep thoughts. You know the type..what is the meaning of life, is it more important to be liked or respected, if a cannibal eats a clown would they say this tastes funny? Anyway, I suddenly become aware of a bit of a rumbling in my stomach. It had been a few hours since my last meal and I was getting a bit hungry. As luck would have it my strong sense of hearing picked up on a distinctive buzzing sound. There was a fly somewhere nearby. A little sky raisin would be just what I needed to tide me over until my next meal. We foxes do enjoy eating bugs. They actually have high amounts of the amino acid taurine in their nervous systems which is good for foxes. Soon I was able to catch a glimpse of the flavorful fly on the other side of my enclosure. I sprung into action, quickly closing the distance between me and my soon to be snack. Of course the other foxes in the enclosure noticed my sudden burst of activity. If I was not careful one of them could get to it first. Thinking quick, I blurted out that I just had a leg cramp and needed to work it out. This clever ruse gave me the time I need to leap into the air and catch the fly in my mouth. Ok, so this is where things started to go bad. I suddenly felt a burning sensation and quickly realized my afternoon snack was actually one of those jalapeño sky raisins also known as bee. I must have let out a yelp as the others inquired if I was ok. Not wanting to admit my error I said “of course”. Now my tongue must of been swelling a bit as Sergei asked if I just said saw horse. I started walking back but must have been trying too hard to seem normal as I tripped over a pink squeaky pig and fell face first into the dirt right on top of the pig. I was writhing around trying to get up and that pig just kept oinking at me. Vasily comes over and says “Dude, you look like a pufferfish with a peanut allergy in a peanut factory”. Yes, my face was swollen. How was your week?

Vlad out

Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - August 13, 2021

Friday Chat w/ Vlad

Hello, it’s Wilson. I know y’all were expecting a “Hey it’s Vlad” but you won’t be hearing from Vlad this week. Last night he asked me if I could fill in for him. Actually, that is not 100% accurate. Last night he TOLD me I WOULD be filling in for him. This is the note I got. “Hey Willy, you’ll need to do my chat on Friday. I’ll be otherwise occupied. If you get stuck for something to say just talk about how great I am. People can’t get enough of that. You’ll do great. Hugs, Vladdy”. From what I have been able to learn about Vlad, when he says “otherwise occupied” it has something to do with world domination. Anyway, it’s great to meet everyone. I am the newest member of the JABCECC team. I came here with my sister Agnes. We were both orphaned when we were just a few days old and our mommy died. No one knows exactly how it happened, but seeing how so many people hate coyotes it would not be a surprise to find that humans where involved. We were found by some people who thought we were wonderful and deserved a life. I have to think our mommy was looking over us and guided these people to us. My sister and I made our way to our foster mom who bottle fed us to keep us alive. We are very grateful for everything she did for us. As we got older our foster mom realized we could not stay with her forever. Also, we never learned how to live like wild coyotes and we associated humans with positive things so our chance of survival, if we were set free, was very low. Our foster mom searched the country for a home for us. Everyone was so happy when JABCECC reached out and said they could provide a forever home for both me and my sister. I argue with my sis sometimes, when I’m mad at her instead of calling her Agnes I call her Anus, but I don’t know what I would do without her. In the habitat next to ours at JABCECC we have an emotional support wolf named Lucan. In the wild wolves and coyotes would not get along so the staff here wasn’t sure we could stay next to him. It turns out we love the guy and he loves us as well. When we grow up we would like to teach the world that coyotes aren’t evil and make our mommy proud.

Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - August 6, 2021

Friday Chat w/ Vlad

Hey it’s Vlad. As you all know, I am the leader of the ambassadors at JABCECC. When you combine that, with my larger than life personality, it is easy to see how some of the others might feel insignificant. To help with that, I have decided to dedicate this weeks chat to one of the other ambassadors. Today I have Lena with me. She is one of the foxes I was able to get out of Russia as part of my rescue. Welcome to my chat Lena. Thanks Vlad, happy to be here. The first question I have about you is something all our fans are dying to know..what is your favorite thing about me? Geez Vlad, 🙄 that IS a tough one...I would have to say your sense of humility. Yes, good answer Lena. While it would be easy to get full of oneself when you have the looks, the charm, the intelligence and are a natural born leader, I have somehow managed to stay quite humble. It’s truly a testament to my excellence. Vlad, I may need to change my answer. The best thing about you is your ability to comprehend satire. Yes Lena, I am quite good at that as well. Next question, do you like being an ambassador at JABCECC? Oh absolutely Vlad, it is super duper cool. The best thing about it is all the people I meet. They are all so nice. I get to show everyone how awesome foxes are so they can help the foxes out there that are less fortunate than us, which lets be honest, is like 99.999% of all the foxes that exist. Very touching Lena, and you are correct it is sad and unfortunate the most of the foxes of the world don’t get to hang out with me. Whatever Vlad, I also really like the trainers at JABCECC. They have taught me to do all kinds of cool stuff. I especially like the nose work. It lets me use my natural instincts to find things using just my sense of smell. Of course when I succeed I get lots of super yummy cheese. So Lena, I’ve told you this before, we are supposed to be training these people to give us treats and how we liked to be scratched, they aren’t training us! Is that so Vlad? Well I’ve heard about you and one of your trainers. You hot for teacher Vlad?? Anything you’d like to say about that Vlad? Yes Lena....Vlad out.

Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - July 23, 2021

Friday Chat w/ Vlad

Hey, it’s Vlad. Well it seems as though we are entering the dog days of summer. These are the hot, sultry days of summer and boy has it lived up to this. If I could sweat, I’d be sweating like a germaphobe at microbiology convention. I do question why they are called dog days and not fox days. Any day that’s a fox 🦊 day is a good day. It turns out they are called this after the star Sirius which is also known as the Dog Star. This star rises in conjunction with the sun beginning about July 19. The Romans thought this brought about the heat of summer. Now there IS a constellation called Vulpecula, or the little fox, which is located in a part of the sky called the Summer Triangle. It is called this as the stars making up the triangle are visible overhead during the summer. Consequently I think it would be perfectly appropriate to talk about the fox days of summer. Or we could just talk about the Vlad days of Summer....why the Vlad days?? Cause Vlad is rad. Say it with me. Some say I’m cocky but it’s just my Vladittude. I do feel bad for Lucan. Even with his summer coat he still resembles a woolly mammoth. He really doesn’t like the heat. I’m told when he was little, as if he ever was truly little, he would avoid the sun so much there was concern he might be part vampire.

Ok, so enough about the weather. I have this secret that I have been debating whether or not to tell you. Most of you obviously think of me as this debonair guy...a real Rico Sauve, and you are correct. However I am also a bit old fashion. I am not one to go around bragging when it comes to matters of the heart and that is what this secret has to do with. I think I will just give you some hints and see if you can guess my secret. This secret is about something I did, there is evidence that the very first human civilizations did it as well. About 10% of present day human cultures do not do this. There have been many poems written about this including one by Shakespeare. Several songs feature this in the title including ones by Katy Perry, Hall & Oates and Faith Hill. There was even a band named this. Do you know my secret?


-Vlad out