Friday Chat w/ Vlad - January 10, 2025

Hey, it’s Vlad. Happy New year everybody. I would love to be able to gift you an emotionally uplifting story for our first chat of the year, but alas, that is not to be. I feel compelled to discuss a tale of dread and despair. Yes my friends, it’s about going back to work after the holidays.

Now for me it’s not work per se that’s the problem. You see I’m a 24/7 365 workhorse. The problem for me is how my fellow ambassadors deal with the end of the holiday season. Clearly I work with a bunch of slackers, this is a well documented fact. I’m sure plenty of you feel the same way about your coworkers. It’s ok, you can admit it. The thing is my slackers have spent the last two weeks living in the alternative reality where productivity is just an evil myth and they are hesitant to give up this delusion, so of course it is a bit distressing for me…the aforementioned workhorse. The thing is, I’m used to being disappointed by my unmotivated coworkers, so that’s not even the worst part of dealing with them after the holidays. It’s more about having to listen to them profess that they will live up to their potential this year, put the extra in extraordinary…basically be more like me.

Take Yuri for instance, he comes prancing into my sleeping quarters at 5 am on New Year’s morning all bright eyed and bushy tailed, and that bushy tail was wagging a mile a minute. It was like he was channeling an over caffeinated squirrel. I knew full well however, caffeine was not responsible for this borderline manic demeanor. You see Yuri rang in the new year with his favorite treats and was still riding a sugar high from bear claws with eggnog chasers. I could tell because he still had crumbs of pastry intermixed with his fur and drips of eggnog running down his chin.

So he runs up to me and says “what do you think Vladdy? New year, new me”. Yuri’s sucrose fueled enthusiasm was just a bit much for at this early hour. I said “it’s great you want to BE all you can BE, but can you please BE elsewhere”. Yuri was undeterred. “Come on buddy” Yuri exclaimed, and then plopped himself on the ground next to me, “this is the year we chase our dreams, the new year is about fresh starts, positivity, resolutions…what’s your resolution Vlad”. I said “well Yuri, how about I just resolve to not give you a thorough mauling and we call it a day.

Don’t get me wrong, I applaud Yuri’s burst of enthusiasm. It’s cute, in a “please stop” kind of way. Unfortunately, I know full well as soon as his blood sugar crashes he will go right back to living by his old credo, why do today what I can pretend to do tomorrow.

Vlad out

Friday Chat w/ Vlad - December 13, 2024

Hey, it’s Vlad. I’ve got a very exciting announcement to make today. For the first time ever, I will be giving away a limited edition, highly coveted Vladiator T-shirt. This is a must have item that says you are committed to canid conservation, while at the same time telling the world you are someone to be reckoned with and incredibly fashionable. All you need to do in order to enter a drawing for a chance to win this item of immeasurable value, is to like this post and then in the comments say why you are so happy to be a Vladiator. We will even ship it to you, on me, to anywhere in the continental US. Easy Peasy… Can you imagine how proud you will be to walk down the street outfitted in this piece of wearable art. You will truly be the envy of all your friends.

This contest is also open to members of Yuri’s fan club, the Yurithras. Although in all honesty, I can’t say his fan club has gotten much traction. As far as I know, his only members are a group of astronomers with overactive bladders who call themselves “tinkle tinkle little star” and some people from the Southern Wisconsin Integrated Network of Eccentric Fox Loving Urologists…although you probably know them by their acronym “SWINE FLU”. Oh, and I think the Yurithras might also have a member named Bruce who resides in Pee Pee Creek Ohio.

At any rate, come one come all…even if your favorite fan club worships a “gravitationally advantaged”, happy go lucky chap with a raging sugar addiction and a name that rhymes with curry. Us Vladiators are quite inclusive. One thing I will ask of the winner is to send us a picture of yourself wearing your newest prized possession so we can let the world know what a true Vladiator looks like. The shirt is presently available in either Large or Medium. As I’m sure you can imagine we have trouble keeping these on the shelves because simply put…I’m a pretty big deal. Best of luck

Vlad out.

Friday Chat w/ Vlad - November 29, 2024

Hey, it’s Vlad. I hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving and has plenty to be thankful for. Personally I count my blessings everyday that I was brought out of Russia and now live in the USA where I can say and do what I want. I am very thankful to call JABCECC my home and that I never had to live at a fur farm. I hear stories about the horrors of such places from Vinnie, Mae, Clara and Sakari and find it hard to believe such places still exist. Of course I am very thankful to have such dedicated fans as the Vladiators. I mean who wouldn’t want a group of people who worship me and hang on my every word as though they they are some utterings of divine origin. Occasionally we have Vladiators stop by the center and the esteem in which they hold me is immediately apparent. Their visceral reactions upon seeing me in the flesh are quite touching. Perhaps the thing I am most thankful for this year is that I was not selected for the wearing of the turkey feathers.

It’s somewhat of a tradition here at JABCECC that one of us ambassadors gets to wear the turkey feathers to mark the beginning of the holiday season. I say “gets to” because everyone thinks it a real honor to get selected to do this. That is everyone except me. I find it far to undignified for someone of my stature to engage in such folly. This year we held an anonymous vote to decide who would flaunt the fowl feathers. I think everyone knew how miserable I would have made their lives if they chose me so consequently the “honor” was bestowed elsewhere. It’s my great pleasure to announce JABCECC’s turkey of the year…Yuri

Vlad out.

Friday Chat w/ Vlad - November 15, 2024

Hey, it’s Vlad. “All right Mr. Dimitri, I’m ready for my close up”..LOL. Let me explain, Dimitri was taking some pictures and I was messing with him. He said I needed some good promo shots. I told him that should be easy cause “I’m really, really ridiculously good-looking”. He just looked at me and said “do you understand the words that are coming out of your mouth” I told him “Frankly Dima, I don’t give a damn”. That seemed to infuriate Dimitri as he told me I wasn’t a team player. He went on to say “we are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided.” Well I certainly was not going to be lectured to by Dima. I said “what we have here is a failure to communicate”. I do more for the center than any four of you combined and no one has yet to “show me the money”. Dima apologized and said that’s the point of these pictures, to promote you so we can bring in donations to the center…to make you big. I then told him “I am big, it’s the pictures that got small. Dimitri was clearly getting frustrated cause he said “ok Vlad, I’m gonna make you an offer you can’t refuse. Fine Dima, “go ahead, make my day”. He said If you let me take these pictures, including one where you wear this JABCECC bag to promote our merch, “you’ll have a friend in me”. “Exsqueeze me” Dima…you want me to wear a purse? He said , “It’s not a man purse.” Vlad “It’s called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.” Nope Dima.  “Hasta la vista, baby.” Dima then said. Come back Vlad, don’t make me grab you. “Keep your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty fox”. Dimitri then tried to get me back and offered anything as long as I wasn’t too greedy. I told him “Greed, for lack of a better word, is good.” Dima then offered to do my chores for a week to which I said “I’ll be back”. We took the pictures after which Dimitri said he was really sorry for the conflict. I told him it was ok cause “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” We then started talking about our favorite ice cream flavors “but that’s a tale for another time”….”may the force be with you”.

Vlad out.

Friday Chat w/ Vlad - November 1, 2024

Hey, it’s Vlad. What up my foxy fans? It’s finally starting to feel like winter is around the corner. After a summer that was so hot the cows around here were giving evaporated milk, the cooler weather is a welcome relief.

I was just in the middle of having some glamour shots done for my chat, when Yuri, our resident clown, steps into my shot and photo bombs me. Obviously I had to give him a bit of a tongue lashing for this transgression. The good thing about Yuri though is when it gets real cold, snuggling up to him is like pressing against a big furry hot water bottle on account of his copious amounts of…how do I put this sensitively…”insulation”. You know, kind of like how a walrus has a lot of “insulation”.

This comfortable weather came none to soon as we have so much going on here. Next week there is a group of people from Amazon coming by to help us get some projects finished. Just to be clear, when I say Amazon I’m taking about the company not the rain forest. So we won’t be having members of the Amazonian Yanomami tribe coming out. You know, the ones who spend their days growing bananas and weaving fishing baskets. It will however be some 20 somethings from Ontario CA. who spend their days days shipping you that portable glow in the dark neck fan you impulse bought after drinking one to many slippery nipples and now you wonder how you ever lived without it. Anyway, all of the Amazon distribution centers are given a nickname of an animal. The JABCECC was adopted by the warehouse named “the fox”. I am hoping Jeff Bezos comes out with them as I have some ideas for his rocket engines to run by him. That’s right, along with my other amazing talents I am a rocket scientist,

We also have our fall pet and paint coming up. The subject this time is a Wolf. Lucan/Dorkwolf will be on hand to judge the various paintings, although we can’t guarantee he won’t try to eat them…it’s just how he rolls. I’m sure everyone will be clamoring to paint my likeness, but they’ll have to understand on account of my popularity there are certain contractual considerations on using my image. Until next time.

Vlad out

Friday Chat w/Vlad - October 18, 2024

Hey, it’s Vlad. As you all know, it’s my job here to keep everyone safe and productive. Sometimes I feel like a shepherd, just keeping an eye on my flock of sheep. It can be extremely exhausting, but I feel there is no reason to fret about my lot in life. Instead I just use my experiences to get my creative juices flowing. As such I wrote a little poem for your enjoyment. I hope you like it.

In a glen where the grasses do sway,
I’m Vlad the fox, leading the way.
I’m the shepherd, or so I believe,
My five furry friends will follow me, but perhaps I’m naive.

First there is Yuri, a devotee of buttery creams
He munches on treats and has sugary dreams.
“Come on, Yuri! Stay focused on me!”
But he’s lost in croissants and crullers, it’s really something to see.

Then Lena, the clever one, puzzles dance in her eyes.
“Come think like a fox Vlad, we need to strategize”
But I’m too busy herding, to heed her call
I’ll leave it to you, to solve it all.

Laika’s a whirlwind, so wild and so free,
“Let’s chase the moon!” she shouts with great glee.
I try to keep up, but she’s off in a flash,
While I’m left behind, with a case of whiplash

Sergei’s my buddy, with sweetness to spare,
How he shares treats and stories, a true friend who cares.
Here, Vlad, have a snack!” he offers with glee,
Because I’m a fox with a treat, I let out some pee

Then there’s Sasha, the queen of the lazy,
While we all run and jump, she just lounges, a bit hazy.
“Why rush?” she’ll yawn, sprawled out on the grass,
I wish I could join her, but duty won’t pass.

“Come hither, my flock!” I call with great pride,
But they’re scattered around, no need to abide.
“Yuri’s lost in pastries, Lena’s lost in thought,
Laika’s off chasing shadows, and Sasha, in sleep she is caught.”

Being a shepherd’s not quite what I planned—
Maybe I’ll sit down and just join this wild band.
So I leap in the fun, embrace the delight,
With Laika I dance, and we twirl through the night.

We scream and we play, a chaotic ballet,
A fox skulk united, come join in our sway!
We are noble foxes, of this there’s no doubt
I have nothing else to say, except Vlad out.

Friday Chat w/ Vlad - October 4, 2024

Hey, it’s Vlad. How is everyone today? To tell you the truth I’ve been better. Why is that you say. Ok, I’ll tell you. You see, occasionally us ambassadors will get together and challenge our intellect with some word games. Your undoubtedly thinking that just isn’t fair since I am by far the smartest one here. That is very true, although we always play with a partner to even things out. We pick names out of a hat to choose our teammate. If I get Lena I am very happy and am ok with Laika, but this time I picked Yuri. Now I’m not trying to be mean here but Yuri is not known for his intellect. It’s analogous to being in a relay foot race and getting a sloth 🦥 as your partner. If this were an eating contest Yuri would have been a great pick but not here.

We were playing an anagram game. A word/phrase is given and we need to rearrange the letters to make a new word/phrase that is relevant to the first phrase. For instance, if the phrase is “The Eyes”, I might say “They see”. The first time you miss one your team is out.

I was up first. My phrase was “eleven plus two” …so obviously I said “twelve plus one”. Next was the team of Lena and Laika, with Lena answering. She got the phrase “garbage man”. After some pondering she blurted out “bag manager”. Well done Lena. Then was Sergei and Sasha. Sergei’s phrase was “father in law”. We thought he was stumped but at the last moment said “near halfwit”. It was now back to my team and Yuri was up. I hoped it was an easy one so Yuri didn’t strain his brain, but that was not to be. He got “The United States Bureau of Fisheries”. I’m sure if Yuri didn’t have fur on his phase we would have seen the blood drain out from it. The answer was clear as day, but Yuri just didn’t see it. He made a few babbling noises but then time ran out and we were eliminated. I’m sure it’s readily apparent to everyone that the correct answer was “I Raise the Bass to Feed Us in the Future”

Vlad out.

Friday Chat w/ Vlad - September 20, 2024

Hey, it’s Vlad. Greetings my foxy fans. I’ll be doing something a bit “out of the box” for today’s chat. Have any of you ever watched the tv show “Undercover boss”? If not, it’s a show about CEOs of companies putting on a disguise and then going to local branches of their company pretending to be a new employee. This way they can get a better perspective of how the workforce feels about the company and how they treat the customers. So today I will be donning a coyote costume and going to see Agnes and Wilson. Should be interesting.

I’ve now made my way down to coyote canyon and am about to go into the enclosure. Here goes.

Hello, anyone home? Here comes Agnes. Hi stranger, can we help you? Yes, I’m a new coyote ambassador here, my name is Chad. Hi Chad, I’m Agnes but you can call me Aggie and over there is my sister, Willie. Aren’t you a bit short to be a Coyote Chad? No Aggie, size is really relative, I mean compared to a shrew I am quite tall…but I can assure you I’m a coyote. I was thinking compared to a coyote, Chad, but whatever. Great Aggie, now that we all agree I am indeed a coyote I would like to ask what it’s like working at JABCECC. Sure Chad, my sister and I love it. You see our mom died when we were just a few days old, and if not for the kindness of some wonderful humans we would have died as well. We grew up around people so when we got a bit older it was determined we could not go back to the wild because we likely would not live. We were sent to JABCECC where we live a comfortable and meaningful life educating people about how wonderful coyotes are. We teach people how to peaceful coexist with our kind and the dos and don’ts of living around coyotes. We love when people visit us cause it means we get more treats. Wow Aggie, that is a touching story. If I were everyone’s favorite ambassador and ran things around here, which of course I’m not and don’t, because I am new here, I would see to it that you got extra special treats for being so inspirational. I have to go now but is was great meeting you two. Ok, we will see you later Vlad….I mean Chad.

Vlad out.

Friday Chat w/ Vlad - September 6, 2024

Hey, it’s Vlad. Well, we are into September and the mercury shows no sign of abating. I invited Sakari to my chat today to see how she is coping with the heat. For those of you that don’t know, Sakari is an Arctic fox that came to us after being rescued from a fur farm. She spent years of her life in misery, confined to a tiny cage, seeing her babies taken away each year and slaughtered in the name of someone’s vanity. Since being at JABCECC she has blossomed and has learned what joy feels like. She has become less fearful and discovered she loves to play and have fun. A true testament to leaving your past behind you and enjoying what’s in front of you.

Hi Sakari, welcome to my chat. Hi Vlad, it’s an honor to be here. Yes, I know Sakari. I wanted to touch bases with you Sakari to hear about how you are coping with the heat. Thanks for your concern Vlad. It’s true that its hotter than a flaming jalapeño outside. Arctic foxes are superbly adapted to deal with cold weather. We have very small ears, thick coats, short legs and fuzzy feet. All these things enable us to tolerate temperatures down to -70 but they are not so good for handling high temperatures. Thankfully the kind folks at JABCECC set me up in an enclosure that helps me stay cool. My habitat is located in the shadiest part of the property. Of course by shady I mean lack of sun not dangerous. Although I do live with Freddy Snowball now, who can be a pretty shady character. He tries to jump on you for no particular reason. Thankfully I don’t think he is all that bright cause I just step out of the way. I also have misters in my enclosure which Freddy, dork that he is, seems to be afraid of.

I’m glad to hear you’re set up to deal with the heat Sakari, and don’t you worry, in a few more months it will be much cooler. I look forward to it Vlad, and I will be ready with my white winter coat. I’m sure you will Sakari.

Vlad out.

Friday Chat w/ Vlad - August 23, 2024

Hey, it’s Vlad. How’s it going my intrepid Vladiators? When I was thinking about this weeks chat it was brought to my attention that I have not used this precious time to answer fan mail in quite some time, so that is exactly what I am going to do.

My first letter comes from Vionette Fontenot of Port Fourchon Louisiana. She writes “ Bonjou Vlad mon ami. I must tell you sir you are my hero. Here in Cajun country we life with a certain joie de vivre or joy of life. Vlad, you are the living embodiment of this attitude. How bout you come down bayou to spread your joy and sample some local cuisine. Some crawdads, jambalaya and Gumbo be just what you need my friend.”

Thank you Vionette for you generous offer. The canids here at JABCECC are on a specific diet approved by our veterinarians. I will check, but if memory serves me, crawdads, jambalaya and/or gumbo are not included in our diet. I can however consult with our resident gastronome, Yuri, and see if he is interested. If so, we will get him on the first swamp boat down.

Our next letter comes from Pete from Turtle Wisconsin. “Hi Vlad, I am the head of the political action committee, Vulpine lovers for Change. As you undoubtedly know, the US is in the middle of the election season. We would like to know if you have ever considered running for president. We believe the US is ready to elect a fox. Your cleverness, compassion, independent spirit and bushy tails are just what we need right now. Vulpine lovers has amassed a war chest of 832 dollars and 47 cents, three 50% off coupons to Pinkberry and a Spongebob NFT. Say the word Vlad and it’s all yours.”

Hi Pete, Thank you for support. My platform is treat all creatures big and small with respect, a rodent in every pot and there is no try only do. I stole the last one from Yoda but it’s something I live by. Unfortunately the constitution says presidents must be born in the US and I was not. I will just have to aspire to higher things.

Vlad out.