Hey, it’s Vlad. How is everyone today? To tell you the truth I’ve been better. Why is that you say. Ok, I’ll tell you. You see, occasionally us ambassadors will get together and challenge our intellect with some word games. Your undoubtedly thinking that just isn’t fair since I am by far the smartest one here. That is very true, although we always play with a partner to even things out. We pick names out of a hat to choose our teammate. If I get Lena I am very happy and am ok with Laika, but this time I picked Yuri. Now I’m not trying to be mean here but Yuri is not known for his intellect. It’s analogous to being in a relay foot race and getting a sloth 🦥 as your partner. If this were an eating contest Yuri would have been a great pick but not here.
We were playing an anagram game. A word/phrase is given and we need to rearrange the letters to make a new word/phrase that is relevant to the first phrase. For instance, if the phrase is “The Eyes”, I might say “They see”. The first time you miss one your team is out.
I was up first. My phrase was “eleven plus two” …so obviously I said “twelve plus one”. Next was the team of Lena and Laika, with Lena answering. She got the phrase “garbage man”. After some pondering she blurted out “bag manager”. Well done Lena. Then was Sergei and Sasha. Sergei’s phrase was “father in law”. We thought he was stumped but at the last moment said “near halfwit”. It was now back to my team and Yuri was up. I hoped it was an easy one so Yuri didn’t strain his brain, but that was not to be. He got “The United States Bureau of Fisheries”. I’m sure if Yuri didn’t have fur on his phase we would have seen the blood drain out from it. The answer was clear as day, but Yuri just didn’t see it. He made a few babbling noises but then time ran out and we were eliminated. I’m sure it’s readily apparent to everyone that the correct answer was “I Raise the Bass to Feed Us in the Future”
Vlad out.
Friday Chat w/ Vlad - September 20, 2024
Hey, it’s Vlad. Greetings my foxy fans. I’ll be doing something a bit “out of the box” for today’s chat. Have any of you ever watched the tv show “Undercover boss”? If not, it’s a show about CEOs of companies putting on a disguise and then going to local branches of their company pretending to be a new employee. This way they can get a better perspective of how the workforce feels about the company and how they treat the customers. So today I will be donning a coyote costume and going to see Agnes and Wilson. Should be interesting.
I’ve now made my way down to coyote canyon and am about to go into the enclosure. Here goes.
Hello, anyone home? Here comes Agnes. Hi stranger, can we help you? Yes, I’m a new coyote ambassador here, my name is Chad. Hi Chad, I’m Agnes but you can call me Aggie and over there is my sister, Willie. Aren’t you a bit short to be a Coyote Chad? No Aggie, size is really relative, I mean compared to a shrew I am quite tall…but I can assure you I’m a coyote. I was thinking compared to a coyote, Chad, but whatever. Great Aggie, now that we all agree I am indeed a coyote I would like to ask what it’s like working at JABCECC. Sure Chad, my sister and I love it. You see our mom died when we were just a few days old, and if not for the kindness of some wonderful humans we would have died as well. We grew up around people so when we got a bit older it was determined we could not go back to the wild because we likely would not live. We were sent to JABCECC where we live a comfortable and meaningful life educating people about how wonderful coyotes are. We teach people how to peaceful coexist with our kind and the dos and don’ts of living around coyotes. We love when people visit us cause it means we get more treats. Wow Aggie, that is a touching story. If I were everyone’s favorite ambassador and ran things around here, which of course I’m not and don’t, because I am new here, I would see to it that you got extra special treats for being so inspirational. I have to go now but is was great meeting you two. Ok, we will see you later Vlad….I mean Chad.
Vlad out.
Friday Chat w/ Vlad - September 6, 2024
Hey, it’s Vlad. Well, we are into September and the mercury shows no sign of abating. I invited Sakari to my chat today to see how she is coping with the heat. For those of you that don’t know, Sakari is an Arctic fox that came to us after being rescued from a fur farm. She spent years of her life in misery, confined to a tiny cage, seeing her babies taken away each year and slaughtered in the name of someone’s vanity. Since being at JABCECC she has blossomed and has learned what joy feels like. She has become less fearful and discovered she loves to play and have fun. A true testament to leaving your past behind you and enjoying what’s in front of you.
Hi Sakari, welcome to my chat. Hi Vlad, it’s an honor to be here. Yes, I know Sakari. I wanted to touch bases with you Sakari to hear about how you are coping with the heat. Thanks for your concern Vlad. It’s true that its hotter than a flaming jalapeño outside. Arctic foxes are superbly adapted to deal with cold weather. We have very small ears, thick coats, short legs and fuzzy feet. All these things enable us to tolerate temperatures down to -70 but they are not so good for handling high temperatures. Thankfully the kind folks at JABCECC set me up in an enclosure that helps me stay cool. My habitat is located in the shadiest part of the property. Of course by shady I mean lack of sun not dangerous. Although I do live with Freddy Snowball now, who can be a pretty shady character. He tries to jump on you for no particular reason. Thankfully I don’t think he is all that bright cause I just step out of the way. I also have misters in my enclosure which Freddy, dork that he is, seems to be afraid of.
I’m glad to hear you’re set up to deal with the heat Sakari, and don’t you worry, in a few more months it will be much cooler. I look forward to it Vlad, and I will be ready with my white winter coat. I’m sure you will Sakari.
Vlad out.
Friday Chat w/ Vlad - August 23, 2024
Hey, it’s Vlad. How’s it going my intrepid Vladiators? When I was thinking about this weeks chat it was brought to my attention that I have not used this precious time to answer fan mail in quite some time, so that is exactly what I am going to do.
My first letter comes from Vionette Fontenot of Port Fourchon Louisiana. She writes “ Bonjou Vlad mon ami. I must tell you sir you are my hero. Here in Cajun country we life with a certain joie de vivre or joy of life. Vlad, you are the living embodiment of this attitude. How bout you come down bayou to spread your joy and sample some local cuisine. Some crawdads, jambalaya and Gumbo be just what you need my friend.”
Thank you Vionette for you generous offer. The canids here at JABCECC are on a specific diet approved by our veterinarians. I will check, but if memory serves me, crawdads, jambalaya and/or gumbo are not included in our diet. I can however consult with our resident gastronome, Yuri, and see if he is interested. If so, we will get him on the first swamp boat down.
Our next letter comes from Pete from Turtle Wisconsin. “Hi Vlad, I am the head of the political action committee, Vulpine lovers for Change. As you undoubtedly know, the US is in the middle of the election season. We would like to know if you have ever considered running for president. We believe the US is ready to elect a fox. Your cleverness, compassion, independent spirit and bushy tails are just what we need right now. Vulpine lovers has amassed a war chest of 832 dollars and 47 cents, three 50% off coupons to Pinkberry and a Spongebob NFT. Say the word Vlad and it’s all yours.”
Hi Pete, Thank you for support. My platform is treat all creatures big and small with respect, a rodent in every pot and there is no try only do. I stole the last one from Yoda but it’s something I live by. Unfortunately the constitution says presidents must be born in the US and I was not. I will just have to aspire to higher things.
Vlad out.
Friday Chat w/ Vlad - August 9, 2024
Hey, it’s Vlad. As many of you probably are aware, the olympics are in full swing, which got me thinking…why can’t foxes be in the olympics?? I mean foxes are insanely athletic. Just as a comparison, the fastest human to ever live Usain Bolt, has a top speed of just over 27 mph. Your average red fox can run a least 30 mph. We would be unbeatable. I checked the olympic committee rule book and nothing in there specifically said competitors could not be a fox. This may be an over site on their part, but I think we can ride that loophole all the way to Olympic glory. As further proof that this is meant to be, the next summer olympics are in Los Angeles. This location would be very accessible for us. So I feel comfortable making it official, the foxes of JABCECC will be trying out for the 2028 Olympic games.
There will be a few new sports at the 28 games. These are reported to be squash, flag football, baseball, cricket and lacrosse. Here’s few more that would really play to our strengths. Yuri for instance, would be an instant favorite to take gold in a competitive eating competition. A few month back when we were watching the Nathan’s hotdog eating contest and Sergei asked him if he thought he could do that, Yuri just said “hold my bearclaw” and downed a bunch of franks left over from our last training session. I have oh so many talents but I truly excel at chewing on rolled up firehoses. I can’t image another athlete exists that could best me in this competition. Of course all of us would likely medal in a find a mouse under three feet of snow competition. I can just imagine the other athletes from around the world, noses pressed firmly against the snow, with nary a clue as to the location of the elusive little rodent, while team USA, puts points on the scoreboard using our keen sense of hearing and smell in addition to our secret weapon…finding hidden object using the earths magnetic field. It will truly be a glorious day for the USA as well as foxes everywhere seeing us on the medal stand, sweeping the competition, gold, silver and bronze. Of course we all know who will be at the top of the stand.
Vlad Out
Friday Chat w/ Vlad - July 12, 2024
Hey, it’s Vlad. I gotta tell you, it’s been like Africa hot here. While Shaka, Zuri and Nala, our African black backed jackals might not mind the heat, us foxes don’t care for it much. Red foxes are quite adaptable and can actually live in the deserts of the Arabian peninsula, but us ambassadors are a different subspecies that prefers it much cooler. Of course Arctic foxes really like it cold. For these reasons management takes special precautions when it gets this hot, such as putting out ice blocks and turning misters on. The Arctic fox villa is equipped with an underground shelter to help keep Freddy and Sakari extra cool.
To make sure everyone here knows how to avoid overheating, I called a staff meeting to go over some important points. I had Laika post a memo letting the others know about the meeting. It said “ Summer’s here and the mercury is rising, which means we all need to think about ways to stay cool. We will have a meeting at 9:45 to discuss. A *T *T *E *N *D *A *N *C *E
R* E *Q* U *I*R* E*D”.
I arrived at our meeting spot at about 9:30 to put out a little spread. Soon after the others started trickling in. Of course several participants were late and it wasn’t until 9:58 that we took attendance. We were just ready to start discussing ways to stay cool when out of the blue Yuri started to dance around the enclosure. Everyone was in a bit of shock over his display and at first we were not sure whether or not it was a medical emergency. After watching him shimmy around for a bit I finally intervened and said Yuri, what in blue blazes are you doing? He stopped his gyrations and said “just what you told me to do in your memo”. Still confused I said “what are you talking about”? Yuri said “read your memo, it’s says at ten dance required”. That Yuri, gotta love him.
Vlad out.
Friday Chat w/ Vlad - June 28, 2024
Hey, it’s Vlad. There is a lot happening at the center right at the moment. It appears that we have entered build mode again as land is being cleared, concrete is being poured and fencing is being put up. Historically this has meant we have new rescues coming in, but no one has told me anything. Frankly this does not surprise me as this type of irresponsible behavior from management has occurred in the past. Clearly I should play a key role in the planning for new residents but so be it, sooner or later they will come to me for assistance. Of course by the time they do there will be countless problems to solve that could have been avoided had they just included their cleverest resident from the get go.
I do know that the Arctic fox villa is almost complete and Freddy and Sakari will be moving in together. What I do not know is what will become of there current habitat. I would vote for turning it in to an all night walk up deli. You never know when you might get the late night munchies and really could go for a pimento loaf sandwich. I’m sure no one will listen to me. My guess is there are some new rescues in there lickety split. Which of course just means more headaches for me and of course no pimento loaf sandwich. I ask for so little yet give so much.
Friday Chat w/ Vlad - June 14, 2024
Hey, it’s Vlad. TGIF my peeps. You can see from the video I posted, I was participating in a game of follow the leader. I’m sure it comes as no surprise to any of my Vladiators who the leader was here. That’s right, it was moi. For those of you not conversant in the French language that means ME. Since leadership is something I know much about I thought I would focus on the concept for today’s chat.
The world needs effective leaders which is why a lot of research has gone into understanding leadership. One place people often look to study this is Wolf packs. While there are many misconceptions as to how a pack functions, they do illustrate how a good leader can help the pack achieve its goals. Here are some examples of the traits necessary to lead a pack.
Visionary - Wolf leaders have a clear vision of what they want to achieve.
Decisive - Wolf leaders make quick decisions that are in the best interest of the pack. They are not afraid to take risks and make tough choices.
Courageous - Wolf leaders are fearless in the face of danger. They lead by example and are willing to put themselves in harm’s way to protect their pack.
Trustworthy - Wolf leaders are dependable and honest. They keep their promises and follow through on their commitments, which earns them the trust of their pack.
Now I know what you are all thinking…that sounds just like you Vlad. Yes it’s true, I do exemplify these features. I will also add that I am a out of the box thinker. A wise man once said, “Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream.” This is why some might view my methods as unconventional, perhaps even insane but the bottom line is everyone follows me cause I get results…and also because if they don’t I will bite them on their butt.
Now everyone has the capacity to lead but not everyone can be a leader. Henry Ford once said “asking who should be the leader is like asking who should be the tenor in a quartet…the answer is obvious, the one who can sing tenor. The thing is there is no shame in not being a leader. Without followers there would be no leaders…just try not to get bit on the butt.
Friday Chat w/ Vlad - May 31, 2024
Hey, it’s Vlad. We had a very special guest come visit us in our habitat yesterday. It was Danny the dhole. Danny is in town to celebrate world dhole day. JABCECC will be at @myyardlivebeerco in San Marcos on Sunday June 2 to educate people about the dhole and their conservation needs. I’m pretty sure Danny will be in attendance.
I took this opportunity to ask Danny a few questions about dholes. They are known to be highly intelligent canids, but honestly I found him to be a bit two dimensional. He seemed to suffer from flat affect, but he could have just been nervous. He was no doubt aware that I’m a pretty big deal, so it is no surprise he would have a bit of the jitters. Here are some highlights from our conversation.
So Danny, tell me a bit about dholes. Sure Vlad, dholes are found in central and Southeast Asia. We are very endangered with perhaps only 1-2 thousand left in the wild. We are very social canids that can be found in large packs. Sometimes in order to take down very large prey or to protect we will combine together with other packs creating a group that can have over thirty of us. We have unique vocalizations which is the reason some will call us whistling dogs. While we are closer related to domesticated dogs, wolves and coyotes than to foxes, we are still evolutionarily quite removed from them, separating from that branch millions of years ago. We are actually closer related to the African painted dogs. Very interesting Danny, Now I want to really get a view into your psyche so please answer to following question. If you were a vegetable, which would you be and why? Well Vlad I would have to say a rutabaga because much like dholes not everyone knows what they are. Interesting Danny, I would have bet money would would have said a pineapple…you know dole pineapple. Ha ha Vlad, that is the oldest joke in the dhole community and technically a pineapple is a fruit anyway. The leaves of a pineapple plant would be a vegetable Danny. Sure Vlad but who’s gonna eat the leaves? Have you ever tried them Danny? That’s all I’m saying. Anyway hope to see everyone on the 2nd.
Vlad out
Friday Chat w/ Vlad - May 17, 2024
Hey, it’s Vlad. You may recall sometime ago we had a chat about when I became aware of Zuri, the black backed jackal, being allowed to sit in the Crate and Barrel Ankara chair. This is a fairly fancy chair, so needless to say, I was a bit miffed that I don’t have access to such a grand chair. After all, I am everyone’s favorite ambassador and the linchpin to this operation, so It seems like common sense that no one would occupy a chair more splendid than mine. I mean, I’m not asking for a throne, per se, as appropriate as that might be. Anyway, I made sure management was made aware of my displeasure and sat back…not on a chair mind you, and waited for this injustice to be remedied.
Yesterday I got word that my chair had indeed arrived. I imagined it would be something quite special. Maybe a pleather covered BarcaLounger with the shiatsu massage feature, dual cup holders and a hidden compartment to store my snacks. Perhaps it would even have the heated cushions so I could warm my buns on those cold winter nights.
So earlier I hear a staff member come into our habitat to deliver my chair. I come out of my inside dwelling expecting to see a chair commensurate with my value to the center. As I am sure you can imagine I was not pleased with what I saw. The word disappointed somehow does not express the shear disgust I felt upon viewing this abomination. I mean it’s a good thing I have flea treatment on because it looks like this chair was purchased for 99 cents at the local flea market.
After taking a few minutes to regain my composure and to remember I am resilient if nothing else, I determined I was not going to predicate my self worth on the grandiosity of a chair. So I took a mighty leap and laid down in my chair… and you know what, it was darn comfy. Sure there is no shiatsu massage and nothing to warm my buns but that’s what my fur is for. A throne is not made by the value of the furniture but rather the value of the one that occupies it.
When life gives you lemons make lemonade.
Vlad out.