Hey, it’s Vlad. As many of you probably are aware, the olympics are in full swing, which got me thinking…why can’t foxes be in the olympics?? I mean foxes are insanely athletic. Just as a comparison, the fastest human to ever live Usain Bolt, has a top speed of just over 27 mph. Your average red fox can run a least 30 mph. We would be unbeatable. I checked the olympic committee rule book and nothing in there specifically said competitors could not be a fox. This may be an over site on their part, but I think we can ride that loophole all the way to Olympic glory. As further proof that this is meant to be, the next summer olympics are in Los Angeles. This location would be very accessible for us. So I feel comfortable making it official, the foxes of JABCECC will be trying out for the 2028 Olympic games.
There will be a few new sports at the 28 games. These are reported to be squash, flag football, baseball, cricket and lacrosse. Here’s few more that would really play to our strengths. Yuri for instance, would be an instant favorite to take gold in a competitive eating competition. A few month back when we were watching the Nathan’s hotdog eating contest and Sergei asked him if he thought he could do that, Yuri just said “hold my bearclaw” and downed a bunch of franks left over from our last training session. I have oh so many talents but I truly excel at chewing on rolled up firehoses. I can’t image another athlete exists that could best me in this competition. Of course all of us would likely medal in a find a mouse under three feet of snow competition. I can just imagine the other athletes from around the world, noses pressed firmly against the snow, with nary a clue as to the location of the elusive little rodent, while team USA, puts points on the scoreboard using our keen sense of hearing and smell in addition to our secret weapon…finding hidden object using the earths magnetic field. It will truly be a glorious day for the USA as well as foxes everywhere seeing us on the medal stand, sweeping the competition, gold, silver and bronze. Of course we all know who will be at the top of the stand.
Vlad Out