Hey, it’s Vlad. Happy New year everybody. I would love to be able to gift you an emotionally uplifting story for our first chat of the year, but alas, that is not to be. I feel compelled to discuss a tale of dread and despair. Yes my friends, it’s about going back to work after the holidays.
Now for me it’s not work per se that’s the problem. You see I’m a 24/7 365 workhorse. The problem for me is how my fellow ambassadors deal with the end of the holiday season. Clearly I work with a bunch of slackers, this is a well documented fact. I’m sure plenty of you feel the same way about your coworkers. It’s ok, you can admit it. The thing is my slackers have spent the last two weeks living in the alternative reality where productivity is just an evil myth and they are hesitant to give up this delusion, so of course it is a bit distressing for me…the aforementioned workhorse. The thing is, I’m used to being disappointed by my unmotivated coworkers, so that’s not even the worst part of dealing with them after the holidays. It’s more about having to listen to them profess that they will live up to their potential this year, put the extra in extraordinary…basically be more like me.
Take Yuri for instance, he comes prancing into my sleeping quarters at 5 am on New Year’s morning all bright eyed and bushy tailed, and that bushy tail was wagging a mile a minute. It was like he was channeling an over caffeinated squirrel. I knew full well however, caffeine was not responsible for this borderline manic demeanor. You see Yuri rang in the new year with his favorite treats and was still riding a sugar high from bear claws with eggnog chasers. I could tell because he still had crumbs of pastry intermixed with his fur and drips of eggnog running down his chin.
So he runs up to me and says “what do you think Vladdy? New year, new me”. Yuri’s sucrose fueled enthusiasm was just a bit much for at this early hour. I said “it’s great you want to BE all you can BE, but can you please BE elsewhere”. Yuri was undeterred. “Come on buddy” Yuri exclaimed, and then plopped himself on the ground next to me, “this is the year we chase our dreams, the new year is about fresh starts, positivity, resolutions…what’s your resolution Vlad”. I said “well Yuri, how about I just resolve to not give you a thorough mauling and we call it a day.
Don’t get me wrong, I applaud Yuri’s burst of enthusiasm. It’s cute, in a “please stop” kind of way. Unfortunately, I know full well as soon as his blood sugar crashes he will go right back to living by his old credo, why do today what I can pretend to do tomorrow.
Vlad out