Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. See the great hole I dug? Don’t let Yuri’s presence in to hole make you think he did any of the work digging it. He is probably just looking for any crumbs from the eclairs he ate the other day. For me this hole is the beginning of my very own fortress of solitude. Much like Superman needed a place to go to recharge, I need a place where I can get away from the constant bickering everyone does around here about trivial matters. It usually goes something like this. Lena yells, “Panda, did you poop in my food bowl?” Panda says, “Why would you blame me, I’m offended. To which Lena replies, “cause you always poop in everyone’s food bowl. And Panda says “ you have no proof of that.” Then everyone tells Panda all the times they have seen her poop in food bowls. Panda then tries to change the subject and talks about the the many times everyone present has bit her on the butt. Being the leader I guess it would be my responsibility to mediate this matter. I am expected to somehow channel the wisdom of Solomon and provide a solution. As if splitting the offending turd in two and giving part to each of the combatants would do the trick. I am sure you can now understand why I need a place for me time.
Now Superman’s fortress was in the Arctic which kept everyone away. That is not an option for me so I will need to get more creative. I will be able to keep Yuri out by just declaring it a pastry free zone but not the others. I could booby trap the entrance with land mines but I think I could have trouble getting that plan by management. I can just hear them discussing the numerous regulatory agencies that would frown on allowing explosives in the fox enclosures. I think my argument about desperate times requiring desperate measures would fall on deaf ears. I will just need to use my superior intellect. If I enthusiastically invite them into my fortress they will think it’s a trap and stay away, reverse psychology. They already don’t recognize my greatness and think I am a bit unstable. I have heard the term delusions of grandeur bandied about when referring to yours truly. That sounds like a plan.
Vlad out.