Hey, it’s Vlad. Or should I say “Hey, it’s Mr. Sensitivity”. I was just hanging out with Yuri, practicing some things I was taught by my sensitivity coach. Yuri is great to practice with because you can pretty much guarantee he will quickly say or do something that will give me a strong urge to act in a manner that some would deem as insensitive.

True to form, Yuri and I weren’t together for more then 2 minutes when he thought he picked up the sent of a glazed cruller. He started walking towards the scent, seemingly in a bit of a trance, and sure enough he walked right of the edge. He landed on the ground with a thud that probably registered on the Richter scale.

Now I could of said something like “way to go pound cake…good thing the junk in your trunk is like your own personal airbag”…but I didn’t. My coach would suggest such a statement would be insensitive towards Yuri. He has told me multiple times that I should express myself in terms of my feelings, as feeling aren’t right or wrong, they just are. My coach would want me to say something like, “I feel you should be more careful Yuri, and I’m glad you didn’t hurt yourself but I feel you’re food choices are harmful ”. Did I say that?? No, I’m Vlad, I’m not a trained monkey. What did I say you ask? “I feel way to go pound cake…I feel it’s a good thing the junk in your trunk is like your own personal airbag”. As you can plainly see, I am really getting a hang of this sensitivity thing.

Of course the are a “few bridges too far” that my coach expects me to take. For instance, he tells me that if I say to Panda, “I refuse to have a battle of wits with you because you appear to be unarmed” but then if she appears upset by my comment say, “suck it up buttercup”, it’s not being sensitive. That’s just ludicrous. Everybody knows saying “suck it up buttercup” is like a get out of jail free card. It shows that my verbal zinger exposed someone feeling mentally weak and I’m concerned enough to offer them I solution…suck it up. Truthfully, I think I have outgrown my coach and am ready to teach sensitivity myself.

Vlad out.