Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. So does this look like an unprovoked attack? It sure felt like it. Luckily I am able to defend myself having studied the martial art Moo Goo Gai Pan. It combines the grappling found in Jiu Jitsu, the strikes of Muay Thai and the artistry of Texas line dancing. Leika soon found she bit off more than she could chew. I set her up with a Shaolin sweep and then submitted her with a cowboy cha cha.
This altercation occurred this morning. It was O 600 and I was ready to sound reveille and have everyone fall in. Yuri was still deciding which breakfast pastry he was going to eat. Sasha and Lena were chatting about whether the plural of mongoose is mongeese or mongooses. Panda was telling Leika and Sergi about a dream she had where her teeth were falling out and when she tried to run outside she could not go anywhere. She finally made it outside and was mortified to find out that she had no clothes on. She felt it was odd this would upset her as she never wears clothes. Panda asked the others what they thought this dream meant and Leika says it clearly means Vlad is a jerk. Now, you don’t get to my position of leadership by having a thin skin but I was not going to allow them to besmirch my character like that without some kind of retaliation. So I did what anyone would do in a similar circumstance..I pooped in her breakfast bowl.
Leika is not known around here for having an even temper. As a matter of fact her temper is so quick it has a Doppler shift. So she comes boiling out the door yelling something about how that is the last time I will ever poop on something of hers using my existing butt hole cause she was going to tear me a new one. Seeing the rage in her eyes I took on a defensive posture. She came running at me and tried to bite my leg but I used the electric slide to thwart her attack. I then got in position for the Shaolin sweep just as master Kikkoman had taught me. This set me up for the final submission. In order to be released Leika had to apologize for calling me a jerk and promise to never do it again. She resisted for awhile but you can only take so much of the cowboy cha cha.
Vlad out