Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey it’s Vlad. So what’s wrong with this picture? You see the hair in my mouth and the mud on my nose? Does that hair look like my hair? No, it most certainly does not. My hair is a gorgeous mix of red, black and silver. This hair is white isn’t it? What else has white hair. A polar bear? A Great Pyrenees? An Icelandic horse? Have you ever seen any of those around here? Why no, you have not. What about Panda, does she have white hair? As a matter of fact she does. So the question is why is Panda’s hair in my mouth and why do I have mud on my nose. My “friends” would respond to this question by saying I was the recipient of a practical joke. I would respond by saying I was the victim of a unprovoked attack on my personal being.
It started earlier today as I was instructing the other foxes on the proper way to utilize our self feeders. These are devices some high school students just donated to us. They consist of a piece of PVC pipe on an axle. Treats are put in the pipe and we just have to turn the pipe to get them out. Of course I immediately figured it out on account of my superior intellect. Some of the other foxes were having a bit more difficulty. Panda kept trying to move the pipe with her foot but as soon as she moved her paw to let the treats fall out, the pipe would rotate back, often hitting her in the snout in the process. I showed her the proper technique, which is to push on the bottom of the pipe with your foot and then grab the top in your mouth. It is then pulled down and the treats will fall on the ground. Panda did not seem appreciative of my tutelage as she gave me a look of derision, grumbled something about her method working just fine, and then stormed off. I am so under appreciated. There is a saying that goes you can lead a fox to water but you can’t get them to stop urinating and/or defecating in it. Anyway a bit later I go to get a snack. Push the bottom of the pipe and grab the top with my mouth but instead of enjoying my favorite treats I get a nose full of mud and hair. Some vulpine vigilante had sabotaged the feeder. It’s on.
- Vlad Out
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - Nov 19, 2021
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. After that little “prank” Panda pulled on me last week I spent some time on the interwebs figuring out how I was going to get even with her. I looked at woopee cushions and fart spray but truth be told foxes suffer no embarrassment over their flatulence. I briefly considered purchase of the David Hasselhoff Christmas album titled “Sleigh watch”, featuring songs such as “Santa Claus, the knight rider”. I figured I could make Panda listen to it repeatedly. After additional consideration I thought this might bit TOO cruel. I want to punish Panda for her transgression, but not cause permanent emotional harm. Then, as my searching continued, I happened to come across an article discussing a family in South America who live with a fox they “domesticated”. Upon further examination, I found it was actually an animal called a Culpeo, sometimes called an Andean fox. So I have two issues with this. In order to explain Vlad here will need to put on his wildly clever intellectual “hat”.
First, domestication is not something you do to an individual animal, it is something you do to a population of animals by selectively breeding for a particular trait. If you take in a young wild animal and expose it to things it will not encounter in the wild, you are taming that animal, but not domesticating it.
Second problem. The South American “foxes” are not true foxes. I am a true fox. S. American foxes are fake foxes, counterfeit foxes, sham foxes..not foxes at all. We are all Canids however. 40 million years ago the canid family evolved in N. America. Originally there were 3 sub families, two went extinct leaving only the Caninae. All modern Canids belong to this sub family. About 10 million years ago the Caninae sub family split into the Canis and Vulpes genera. The Canis genus contains wolves, dogs, coyotes and jackals, while Vulpes contains yours truly...the true foxes. Only later when members of the Canis genus got to S America did the fake foxes evolve, so they are more closely related to Canis than Vulpes. Follow me? Sorry to get all scholastic on you, but I have to protect my brand. True foxes rule.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - Nov 26, 2021
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. I’m going to keep it brief today as I am still recovering from my turkey hangover. I hope everyone had a delightful Thanksgiving. Foxes love this holiday. You can bet that at the first Thanksgiving, way back in 1621, there were foxes nearby. In attendance at this feast were the newly arrived pilgrims and the indigenous Wampanoag people. It occurred in Plymouth Massachusetts. This area was definitely inhabited by red foxes at this time and the smells from the banquet would of been too enticing for a fox 🦊 to ignore. While the native Americans did live off the land, which could include hunting woodland creatures they also had a respect and reverence for all things in nature. This attitude continues to this day in many of America’s first people. For instance in Wisconsin, 6 tribes sued the government to stop or at least reduce the barbaric wolf hunt. By treaty they were given rights over 50% of the states resources. These native Americans wanted their 50% of the wolves to be able to live their full lives free from this needless hunt. They put out the following statement “The Ojibwe are accountable for everything when we hunt, fish, and gather any resources, We’re looking out for the next seven generations of our children. When we know it’s wrong to hunt, we don’t harvest.” So as I sleep off this Thanksgiving, enjoying my tryptophan fueled dreams, I am thankful for people who treat animals with dignity, and respect our right to live.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - Dec 3, 2021
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. It looks like we have more construction going on at the center. This generally can only mean one thing. Some canid somewhere needs our help. Some canid needs a place to live that safe and secure, where people do everything within their power to ensure they live a meaningful and joyous life. No one here is saying anything about what type of canid it might be or even if a rescue is taking place. This is not the first time I have been kept in the dark about such things and frankly it is getting a bit annoying. You would think everyone’s favorite ambassador would be the first to know all the details. The thing is I need to get prepared to teach this newcomer all about life at JABCECC. Who they can trust and who will sabotage your feeder causing you to get a face full of dirt and hair. They will need to know about the different trainers that come out to provide enrichment. They all have a different threshold as to how many times we can steal their treat bag before it might affect the number of treats they give us. Most importantly they need to know I am the leader here and they need to treat me accordingly. I mean they don’t need to bow down in my presence or anything like that, although if they feel the need to do so I’m not gonna stop them. I guess I am just going to have to wait and see, like everyone else, if we get a new resident and what species it could be. The one thing I do know, whatever it might be, is it will find a home where everyone believes in its right to exist and thrive.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - Dec 17, 2021
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey it’s Vlad. Did everyone notice that we did not speak last week? I am sure it must have caused a lot emotional suffering in many of you and some may have even lost the will to live. I am back now so you can step off that ledge. Let me tell you what happened. You probably know that we took in a new rescue. His name is Freddy Snowball and he is an arctic fox. I already have many responsibilities around here so when a rescue comes in it just adds to my burden. Knowing I would be maxed out I asked Viktor if he could handle my chat. It was my understanding that he agreed to it. I figured Viktor could handle it as he has a bit of a fan base from people that have met him in the fox encounters or as he calls them “the Viktor show”. A bit self centered if you ask me but whatever. I watch him during these encounters and frankly he makes a fool of himself. He runs up to people and will pretty much do anything just for a back scratch. Anyway, when I did not see a Friday chat with Vlad on Saturday I went to ask Viktor about it but he was busy with his little encounters. So on Sunday when I caught up with him to ask him about it he said, and I quote, “ must have slipped my mind, no big Vladdy”. I tried to explain to him how irresponsible this was, as people depend on hearing about me as their source of inspiration and motivation to face the world. Viktor just gave me a look of derision and walked off. That fox 🦊 has a lot of nerve to do such a thing. He kind of thinks he’s a big shot around here. In my opinion the only thing big about Viktor is his waist line. All you hear, when he is in encounters, is people laughing and jokes about not body shaming Viktor, all the while he is prancing around getting back scratches and treats. It may take someone in management trying to pick him up and getting a hernia before he gets it together. I, by the way, am an exemplar of foxy fitness. Hopefully your tranquility has been restored.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - Dec 24, 2021
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. I would like to introduce you to Freddy Snowball. He has been here for a few weeks now and I know many of you have already seen posts about him but he is not officially a member of the JABCECC team until Vlad says so. I’ll tell you what, that Freddy is a real character and boy can he eat. Arctic foxes eat a whole lot in the fall cause they know they could have trouble finding food in the middle of winter when it can be 70 F below zero. Us red foxes can certainly handle cold weather but you’re not going to find us in places where it gets that cold. Everything about that boy is designed for extreme cold. Red foxes on the other hand are much less specialized for one climate. That is why in addition to places that are relatively cold, you can find red foxes living in places like the Middle Eastern deserts, where it gets really hot. Freddie wouldn’t last 10 minutes there. Right now Freddie is in quarantine so we have to be socially distant from him but once he comes out we will be able to see how he feels about us. It goes without saying he will like me but sometimes the others can get on ones nerves. So on behalf of Freddie and all the other ambassadors at JABCECC I wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, or whatever floats your boat.
Vlad out
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - Dec 31, 2021
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. As we approach the end of 2021 it seems like an good time to discuss how I have enriched your lives. We first spoke back in May when I explained to you why foxes are better than wolves. Possibly you recall the discussion about Lucan, the #dorkwolf, smelling like a particularly odiferous Sasquatch. We then went on to chat about the research both Lucan and us foxes are helping with. Princeton scientists trying to figure out what makes a #dorkwolf tick, while researchers at Harvard were busy unraveling the cause of hypersocialability seen in belyaev foxes.
On a few occasions we talked about the war on wolves in this country and how they have a right to live both as individuals and a species. Of course who could forget the multiple times I have been talked to by HR for just having an opinion expressed in a way that was perhaps a bit too devoid of sugar coating.
I am sure you all recall my attempts to start a band in order to get more visibility. I am still waiting for Slash to contact me so we can move that along. No doubt I will be hearing from him soon.
Then there where my trials and tribulations along the way. From getting attacked by a bee back in August, to Panda sabotaging my feeder as well as leaking my baby pictures.. two strikes against her. Then there was Viktor dropping the ball on my chat and multiple dust ups with Lucan. I try so hard to turn this ragtag group of ambassadors into a mean lean canid saving machine but it’s hard to soar like an eagle 🦅 when your surrounded by turkeys 🦃
Of course our most important chats involved the canid souls we have rescued. In July we welcomed coyote girls Agnes and Wilson to the center. Two animals who would have certainly perished had it not been for the fact that some humans recognize the value of a single canid life. They have blossomed into beautiful adults and their interactions with staff shows people that coyotes are not the malevolent beings some make them out to be. And then there’s the latest rescue, Mr. personality himself, Freddie Snowball.
So it’s been quite a year. Feel free to let me know the impact I have had on you.
Vlad out
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - Jan 7, 2022
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. This will be my first chat of 2022. I have heard there is a tradition among people to make resolutions that describe the changes they will make to their life in the new year. I also hear there is another tradition that people have which is to almost immediately break their resolutions. I am going to give you some incredible advise on how to never again break any of your resolutions....don’t make them in the first place. Or better yet make a no resolutions resolution. Resolve to except yourself with any shortcomings you might have. It is certainly what I would do....if I had any shortcomings.
You see foxes don’t have much use for regrets about the past. I mean sure, I would like to think Panda regrets putting dirt in my feeder so instead of getting a tasty morsel I got a snozola full of mud..but I’m sure she does not. She has moved on, no doubt thinking about a future way to torment me. The thing is, if you can’t accept yourself with flaws, it is harder to see the flaws and decide if it’s worth your time to work on them.
You see the no resolutions resolution is NOT about eliminating self growth. I am surrounded by others here at the center that could really use some self growth. I like to think of them as little sprouts and I am the Miracle-Gro. I won’t mention any names but perhaps a little vixen whose name rhymes with Uganda 🇺🇬 could use a healthy dose of growth. You see if little Miss Uganda regrets putting muck in my feeder she likely will put it out of her mind and not consider such a foolish prank could of caused me grave bodily harm, potentially having dirt lodge in my sinus and causing a nasty infection. It is only through her acceptance of her heinous actions in a non judgmental way can she experience the growth needed to kneel before me and beg for forgiveness, resolving to never engage in such a nefarious deed again. You see the power of the no resolutions resolution?
Now, for those of you who are such traditionalist that you can’t accept not making a New Years resolution might I suggest something simple...perhaps showing a certain fox 🦊 named Vlad more love in 2022.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - Jan 14, 2022
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. Minutes from first staff meeting of 22
The meeting was called to order at 8 am by Vlad who then asked the Secretary, Lena, to conduct a role call. Panda, Sergie, Lena, Leika, Yuri, Sasha and Vlad where found to be in attendance. Lena said a quorum was present and the meeting could continue.
Panda made a motion for donuts to be served at the meeting and asked if anyone would second the motion. Yuri seconded the motion but added that he preferred bear claws. Vlad, said now was not the time for this discussion as the minutes from the last meeting need to be read before new business is discussed. Panda said that was stupid but yielded the floor to Lena to read the minutes.
Lena said at the last meeting we discussed a welcome party 🎉 for the new rescue Freddy Snowball. She said Sergei mentioned he thought arctic foxes ate lemmings and Panda wondered if we could get lemming flavored donuts. Yuri said he thought we could but he believed lemming flavored bear claws would be better. Vlad thought this is a ridiculous discussion and began banging the gavel which promptly broke and flew up and struck him on the temple. Examination of the gavel showed the handle had been chewed on causing the failure. Incriminations flew and the meeting was adjourned.
Having read the minutes from the previous meeting Lena said it was time to discuss unfinished business. Panda said donuts. Vlad said revenge. A motion to discuss these topics failed as a small lizard 🦎 had crawled into the enclosure and everyone else was pretty fixated on it.
New business. Vlad suggested we form separate working groups to discuss different issues and suggested a group to discuss infrastructure expansion at the center. Panda suggested a group to discuss getting donuts for these meetings. Yuri said he could get behind Panda’s idea if it’s scope was expanded to include ALL breakfast pastries. Leika wondered how much longer this meeting would go on as she wanted to go lay in the sun. Vlad said he’d let her know when she could leave. Leika kicked a small stone, which struck Vlad in the temple. Incriminations flew and the meeting was adjourned.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - Jan 21, 2022
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. Just hanging out with Vinnie and having a little brunch. You guys all remember Vinnie right?? She was part of the 30 fur farm fox rescue JABCECC accomplished a while back. You probably notice that she is missing an ear and her tail. Foxes on fur farms are so stressed out they often get ears, tails and even legs chewed off by their mothers. In some ways Vinnie’s mother did her a favor. You see because she was missing her tail she was considered less valuable to the nasty fur farmer, so instead of skinning her, he allowed the JABCECC team to bring her to safety. Nowadays Vinnie is living her best life at the center. She really likes it when the trainers come to see us Russians. She sits there looking as pathetic as she possibly can until the trainers give her treats. It would not surprise me to find she has a Sarah McLachlan song cued up ready to play if her sad little gazes prove ineffective. So far she has never needed help from Sarah.
Vinnie’s house is right across from Freddie Snowballs place. They spend a lot of time watching each other. Management is not sure just yet if she wants to play with Freddie or she wants to each his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. Vinnie is not telling anyone which it is. Of course she likes me but I’m sure that comes as a surprise to nobody because frankly, I’m quite likable.
When us Russians are entertaining on encounter days, Vinnie gets put away out of view. She is not all that fond of strangers. I spend this time with Vinnie to counsel her and help her with her issues. She had a lot of mental trauma as a kit. I view myself as more of a Jungian than a Freudian. First of all, and it may be wrong, but I don’t trust anyone named Sigmund. Secondly, I like to focus on future aspirations as opposed to past experiences. We know that Vinnie had bad past experience that direct her behavior so we focus on behaviors that will help her attain future aspirations. Our talks have uncovered that Vinnie aspires to be a ballerina, a cowgirl or an ambassador for the center. Never say never but we are focused on the third one.
Vlad out.