Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. It looks like we have more construction going on at the center. This generally can only mean one thing. Some canid somewhere needs our help. Some canid needs a place to live that safe and secure, where people do everything within their power to ensure they live a meaningful and joyous life. No one here is saying anything about what type of canid it might be or even if a rescue is taking place. This is not the first time I have been kept in the dark about such things and frankly it is getting a bit annoying. You would think everyone’s favorite ambassador would be the first to know all the details. The thing is I need to get prepared to teach this newcomer all about life at JABCECC. Who they can trust and who will sabotage your feeder causing you to get a face full of dirt and hair. They will need to know about the different trainers that come out to provide enrichment. They all have a different threshold as to how many times we can steal their treat bag before it might affect the number of treats they give us. Most importantly they need to know I am the leader here and they need to treat me accordingly. I mean they don’t need to bow down in my presence or anything like that, although if they feel the need to do so I’m not gonna stop them. I guess I am just going to have to wait and see, like everyone else, if we get a new resident and what species it could be. The one thing I do know, whatever it might be, is it will find a home where everyone believes in its right to exist and thrive.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - November 26, 2021
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. I’m going to keep it brief today as I am still recovering from my turkey hangover. I hope everyone had a delightful Thanksgiving. Foxes love this holiday. You can bet that at the first Thanksgiving, way back in 1621, there were foxes nearby. In attendance at this feast were the newly arrived pilgrims and the indigenous Wampanoag people. It occurred in Plymouth Massachusetts. This area was definitely inhabited by red foxes at this time and the smells from the banquet would of been too enticing for a fox 🦊 to ignore. While the native Americans did live off the land, which could include hunting woodland creatures they also had a respect and reverence for all things in nature. This attitude continues to this day in many of America’s first people. For instance in Wisconsin, 6 tribes sued the government to stop or at least reduce the barbaric wolf hunt. By treaty they were given rights over 50% of the states resources. These native Americans wanted their 50% of the wolves to be able to live their full lives free from this needless hunt. They put out the following statement “The Ojibwe are accountable for everything when we hunt, fish, and gather any resources, We’re looking out for the next seven generations of our children. When we know it’s wrong to hunt, we don’t harvest.” So as I sleep off this Thanksgiving, enjoying my tryptophan fueled dreams, I am thankful for people who treat animals with dignity, and respect our right to live.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - November 19, 2021
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. After that little “prank” Panda pulled on me last week I spent some time on the interwebs figuring out how I was going to get even with her. I looked at woopee cushions and fart spray but truth be told foxes suffer no embarrassment over their flatulence. I briefly considered purchase of the David Hasselhoff Christmas album titled “Sleigh watch”, featuring songs such as “Santa Claus, the knight rider”. I figured I could make Panda listen to it repeatedly. After additional consideration I thought this might bit TOO cruel. I want to punish Panda for her transgression, but not cause permanent emotional harm. Then, as my searching continued, I happened to come across an article discussing a family in South America who live with a fox they “domesticated”. Upon further examination, I found it was actually an animal called a Culpeo, sometimes called an Andean fox. So I have two issues with this. In order to explain Vlad here will need to put on his wildly clever intellectual “hat”.
First, domestication is not something you do to an individual animal, it is something you do to a population of animals by selectively breeding for a particular trait. If you take in a young wild animal and expose it to things it will not encounter in the wild, you are taming that animal, but not domesticating it.
Second problem. The South American “foxes” are not true foxes. I am a true fox. S. American foxes are fake foxes, counterfeit foxes, sham foxes..not foxes at all. We are all Canids however. 40 million years ago the canid family evolved in N. America. Originally there were 3 sub families, two went extinct leaving only the Caninae. All modern Canids belong to this sub family. About 10 million years ago the Caninae sub family split into the Canis and Vulpes genera. The Canis genus contains wolves, dogs, coyotes and jackals, while Vulpes contains yours truly...the true foxes. Only later when members of the Canis genus got to S America did the fake foxes evolve, so they are more closely related to Canis than Vulpes. Follow me? Sorry to get all scholastic on you, but I have to protect my brand. True foxes rule.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - November 12, 2021
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey it’s Vlad. So what’s wrong with this picture? You see the hair in my mouth and the mud on my nose? Does that hair look like my hair? No, it most certainly does not. My hair is a gorgeous mix of red, black and silver. This hair is white isn’t it? What else has white hair. A polar bear? A Great Pyrenees? An Icelandic horse? Have you ever seen any of those around here? Why no, you have not. What about Panda, does she have white hair? As a matter of fact she does. So the question is why is Panda’s hair in my mouth and why do I have mud on my nose. My “friends” would respond to this question by saying I was the recipient of a practical joke. I would respond by saying I was the victim of a unprovoked attack on my personal being.
It started earlier today as I was instructing the other foxes on the proper way to utilize our self feeders. These are devices some high school students just donated to us. They consist of a piece of PVC pipe on an axle. Treats are put in the pipe and we just have to turn the pipe to get them out. Of course I immediately figured it out on account of my superior intellect. Some of the other foxes were having a bit more difficulty. Panda kept trying to move the pipe with her foot but as soon as she moved her paw to let the treats fall out, the pipe would rotate back, often hitting her in the snout in the process. I showed her the proper technique, which is to push on the bottom of the pipe with your foot and then grab the top in your mouth. It is then pulled down and the treats will fall on the ground. Panda did not seem appreciative of my tutelage as she gave me a look of derision, grumbled something about her method working just fine, and then stormed off. I am so under appreciated. There is a saying that goes you can lead a fox to water but you can’t get them to stop urinating and/or defecating in it. Anyway a bit later I go to get a snack. Push the bottom of the pipe and grab the top with my mouth but instead of enjoying my favorite treats I get a nose full of mud and hair. Some vulpine vigilante had sabotaged the feeder. It’s on.
- Vlad Out
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - November 5, 2021
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey it’s Vlad. It is now November which means we are approaching the Holiday season. There will be holiday parties I will be expected to attend. As I am sure you can imagine I am the life of the party, but there is one party activity that I need work on. I know this comes as a shock to everyone as you believe I excel at everything. This is mostly true. I would say, however, I could use some work on my dance skills. Growing up in Russia I really wasn’t exposed to western dance styles. Sure I can do a killer prisyádka, also known as the Russian squat dance but I don’t think that will be useful at my holiday soirées. I will need to find which ambassador can give me some help. Lucan aka #dorkwolf is immediately OFF the list. I’ve seen the boys moves. He has all the skills of a mastodon with four left feet. Viktor thinks he can dance but truth be told he carries a few too many extra LBs to do any dance justice. When he really gets moving to the beat and then stops, his blubber just keeps right on dancing. We try not to body shame the boy but perhaps he should lay of the bonbons. I asked Ishy and Libby the American foxes if they could teach me any western dance moves but they weren’t much help. Ishy “squishy” has some of the same issues as Viktor. Libby is pretty high energy but she is into some modern techno fusion thing that required glow sticks. If I was going to a rave this might be fine but not for my holiday parties. None of the Novosibirsk 9 would have been exposed to western dance in Russia but I know Laika is very into fitness. You may have seen a video of her exercising in the oversized hamster wheel. I figured maybe she picked up some moves from exercise videos. Unfortunately, it seems that Lucan ate all the exercise CDs with the exception of booty boot camp and some tae bo ones. Now sure, I can shake my booty like a Polaroid picture, but again not appropriate for my holiday parties. Just as I was giving up all hope of getting assistance, I saw a video of Sophie strutting her stuff. All the elegance of Ginger Rogers, with the energy of a fly girl and a touch of foxy flair. I found my tutor.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - October 29, 2021
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey it’s Vlad. There are only a couple more days until Halloween 🎃. In Russia Halloween is not celebrated by many people probably due to its religious origins. Personally, I love it and not just because of the candy. You see the holiday was originally called all Saints eve or All Hallows’ eve. It occurred on the night before all Saints Day. This day was established in the year 837 to commemorate the saints of the world. Now, I am sure all my fans will instantly recognize why I would feel a connection to a day about Saints.
The tradition of dressing up for Halloween started in the early Middle Ages when people would put on short plays dressed in costumes. I will be dressing as Dracula 🧛♂️. This seems like a particularly appropriate costume for a few reasons. First, The story of Dracula is believed to be inspired by the 15 century ruler Vlad the Impaler. This chap had the exceptionally nasty habit of impaling his enemies on wooden pikes. Now, Vlad the fox 🦊, would never do such a thing...it would not be considered very domesticated. I have been known, however, to impale my foes on verbal pikes. Second, Dracula had the ability to shapeshift into a bat 🦇. Certain bats are often called flying foxes. See the connection??
I was originally going to dress like a smurf. I had gotten a bunch of blueberries and was going to roll around in them to achieve the proper skin tone. When I looked in the refrigerator they were all gone. It turned out that Maksa had taken them all. Many of you might know that Maksa’s favorite food is sparkling water with blueberries in it....she is a bit bougie.
Soon after Halloween we will have Thanksgiving and than Christmas. I would like everyone to know there are only 57 shopping days left to find Vlad that perfect Christmas gift.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - October 22, 2021
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. Today I will again show what a giver I am by sharing my chat with one of the other ambassadors. Please welcome Agnes to the chat, hi Agnes. Hi Vlad, I am really excited to be here but I’m really nervous. No need to be nervous Aggy...just a little talk with your buddy Vlady, forget about the huge number of my adoring fans that tune in. No Vlad it’s not that, it’s just that I’m a coyote, and we are often nervous. You see Vlad, we’re mesopredators, which means while we are out looking for dinner, there are other things looking to make US dinner. If that isn’t enough, a lot of people get a thrill by killing us, so we tend to be a little antsy. You know Vlad, foxes are also mesopredators and people want to kill you guys as well, yet you’re so chill, like a hippy fox or a Rastafarian fox enjoying some Bob Marley and a little ganja..why is that? Well Agnes, in the same way that natural selection has made you more jumpy than a six legged kangaroo, artificial selection has made us Russian foxes cool as a Novosibirsk night. Scientists have found that selecting for tameness has changed our brains. But enough about me, I hear you have some news to share. Why yes Vlad. I am so happy to report that construction has begun on our expanded habitat. My sister and I are going to enjoy this so much. It’s going to encompass the whole hillside between Vulpine Valley, where you live Vlad, and Canis Canyon where our present enclosure is. There are trees and bushes and lots of stuff for us to play with. Once we are in there we are going to start an enrichment activity called grazing games. This is where our food is scattered around the enclosure and we get to use our senses to find it. We are also going to start our nose work training in the new habitat. I want to thank the volunteers that are donating their time and talents to build this for us. Also, JABCECC is spending thousands of dollars in material costs for this habitat. Donations are always appreciated to help pay for this. Or corporate sponsorships…Agnes and Wilson’s Tesla Terrace has a nice ring to to it, don’t you think Vlad? Way to go Agnes, aim high.
Vlad Out.
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - October 15, 2021
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. Autumn has fallen upon the JAB Conservation and Education center. There is now a very evident chill to the air in the mornings. Vibrant green leaves are giving way to yellows and browns. The most telling sign of all is ambassador Ishy getting her winter coat. Unlike us Russian foxes, Ishy’s close relatives were selectively bred for fur quality. As we get closer to winter, Ishy will begin to resemble what can most accurately be described as a bloated marshmallow. This trait has earned her the nickname “Ishy Squishy”. Rather undignified if you ask me, but fitting none the less. While nothing like Ishy, us Russians are also getting a thicker coat. Some have commented that the Georgian reds Sasha and Vasily look like toasted marshmallows. And then there’s Viktor. He is a prime example of what not being bred for coat quality but rather for behavior can do. Frankly his attempts at getting a winter coat are down right embarrassing. At times he looks like a chupacabra with partial alopecia having a bad hair day. Of course my coat is perfect.
Truth be told it never really gets too cold at the center. We were born in Novosibirsk Russia which is in Siberia. If the mercury hits 0 F in the winter it is considered a balmy day. Some days it was so cold I feared my testicles had turned into ovaries..if you know what I’m saying.
It won’t be too long until we have our first snowfall at the center. We all love to run and play in the snow. There is a ramp in our habitat that we use as a ski slope. Last year, as I was running up to the ramp to slide down it, I saw my reflection in one of the steel posts the enclosure is made of. The sight of such a handsome fox caused a momentary lapse in concentration. Instead of skiing down on my feet, I kinda slid on my head and hit the ground with a thud. While flopping around trying to right myself, I must have kicked the ramp. When I did get back on my feet, my first sight was a large pile of snow sliding down the ramp…It struck me broadside and promptly put me back on my keister. There will be no repeat performance this year as I’m now more habituated to my beauty.
Vlad out
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - October 8, 2021
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. Today I’m gonna answer a few letters from members of my fan club. Yes...I have a fan club. It’s members are no doubt highly intelligent, good looking, delightful smelling, morally virtuous individuals. Real pillars of society. They join because they want to celebrate ME, & become canid crusaders. By my side, they fight for the lives of canids everywhere. They call themselves...the VLADIATORS.
The first letter comes from Chase, writing from Mud Butte SD
“Dear Vlad. What’s the deal between you and Lucan? Sometimes it seems like you two are the best of friends and other times it seems like you want to put cyanide in his kibble. #vladiatorsrule”
Chase, relationships can be complicated. Lucan and I get along fine and we both love our roles as ambassadors at JABCECC. You need to understand that we are very different beings. We agree when we can, disagree when we must, and always keep in mind that we share a common purpose. A great philosopher once said that relationships are like farts... If you push them too hard you’re just gonna get 💩.
The next letter is by Ruth of Humptulips WA.
“Hi Vlad ❤️ You are Soooo awesome and you’re such a hunk 💜. Will you marry me???❤️ 👰♀️ “
Hi Ruth, I am very flattered, really...but for obvious reasons it would never work out. 🦊 ≠👩
Now we’ll hear from Tammy Sue from Bugtussle KY.
“Howdy Vlad darlin’. Let me just say I’m happier than ol’ Blue layin’ on the porch, chewin’ on a big ol’ catfish head to be a Vladiator. I have loved foxes since I was knee high to a grasshopper. And you Vlad, you are to foxes as Waffle House is to high cholesterol. I reckon the awful things that some people do to canids makes me madder than a mule chewin’ on bumblebees. This Vladiator is ready to kick those evil doers where sun don’t shine.”
Hi Tammy Sue. Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit. Your letter made me grin more than a possum eatin’ a sweet tater.
Well what do you think? Aren’t my VLADIATORS awesome? Do you think you have what it takes to join the club? Can you imagine the joy it would bring you to think about my greatness 24/7? Tell me about it in the comments
- Vlad out
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - October 1, 2021
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey it’s Vlad. All the ambassadors at JABCECC stand in solidarity with Lucan on his request for people to contact the Dept. of Fish & Wildlife and tell them to relist gray wolves to the endangered species list. As a fox, I know what it is like to killed for just being a fox. Millions of us die on fur farms every year. And then there’s fox hunting. Can anyone explain to me why some humans get off on seeing a fox ripped apart by dogs?? England passed laws to ban this but the law has so many loopholes that the hunt continues. Us Belyaev foxes were bred to love people but hearing all this makes it hard.
Agnes and Wilson, the coyote girls also support Lucan. There is hardly a more persecuted animal on the planet than the yotes. Killing contest sponsored by churches where the one who kills the most coyotes gets a lifetime subscription to field and stream magazine and a pocket fishermen. 1000s of coyotes are killed this way...come on people.
Grey wolves were hunted to near extinction in the United States. It is only thanks to a recovery plan put in place in the 80s that they exist today. They still only inhabit a small percent of their historic range. When the wolf came off the endangered species list, people at the state level who were entrusted with managing wolf populations are in some cases the same people that have social media pages about how to shoot a wolf and make it suffer maximally. It just makes no sense. As we speak there are hunters standing just outside Yellowstone Park waiting for a wolf to cross that line from federal land to state land. There have already been multiple wolves that have lost their lives this way. This isn’t just tragic for the individual wolf, the whole pack suffers. A wolf pack is just a family, they depend on one another. People who say the killing of a wolf does not affect the pack need to imagine loosing a member of their family. We have an opportunity to do something about this now. Please submit a comment at the following link.
https://www.regulations.gov/document/FWS-HQ-ES-2021-0106-0001
If you don’t, Vlad here may just have to leave something on your porch 💩 💩
Vlad out