Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. This week I got my picture taken and one of the pics seemed perfect for Tongue out Tuesday. The problem is my main social media presence occurs on Friday and Tongue out Friday just doesn’t seem to cut it. I have thought about doing a Fanny out Friday cause I do have an exceptionally nice tushy and I certainly could bring booty back but then I was told that the word fanny does not mean buttocks in some places of the world. Of course, this is only a problem because of my international fame. This alternative meaning would require an OnlyFans page which wouldn’t work for my alter boy persona. Other body parts that begin with F just don’t work. I mean Frontal lobe out Friday is interesting due to the cerebral nature of our chats but I’m just concerned someone would take that too literally.
The bloke who took this picture had an easy job cause It’s hard to take a bad picture of me. When I got the picture back at first glance it looked great, but on closer inspection I see this ginormous eye booger. Foxes are denning animals so we dig a lot and eye boogers are nature’s way of removing the crud but no one wants to exhibit theirs to the world. I asked the photographer to photoshop it out and he says “he is an artist and that would lack authenticity”. Really?? you give a guy an iPhone with portrait mode and suddenly he thinks he’s Ansel Adams. I say come on dude let’s lose the booger. He then tells me about the “narrative” of the picture. It is me shedding a tear for all my brethren foxes on fur farms living awful lives to satisfy the horrific vanity of some people. Now he thinks he’s Steven Spielberg. All of us ambassadors work hard to bring awareness about the plight of my “brethren” and have shed tears but this is not a tear, its a booger.
To add insult to injury, Panda sees the picture and starts calling me “booger King” Then Sergei comes up and says “your like McDonald’s...billions of boogers served. I should have used our normal photographers. As for this putz...he will rue the day 💩 💩
Vlad out
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - October 7, 2022
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. So we had our annual fundraiser last weekend and it was a huge success. We sold out the venue, educated the attendees about the importance of canids and talked about our healing path programs. Everybody there also had a great time. Us foxes were represented by Viktor, Maksa, Lena, Yuri and Panda. Of course I could not attend on account of my celebrity. You can only imagine what the security implications would have been. I was at home in the control room organizing everything. Some of my fellow ambassadors suggested I might have gone a bit overboard in my organizing and they sent me the picture I posted as proof. Apparently when I was running around getting everything in its proper place I filed some of the other foxes…at least they were not in my way. Lead, follow, or get out of the way.
These fundraisers allow us the help more animals, create a better environment for our existing animals and expand our programs to help people. I made up cue cards for everybody to help with our messaging. One of my favorites said “show me the money, Vladdy needs a new pair of shoes”. Now I know what you are thinking, foxes don’t wear shoes. You are correct we do not, but we do eat them. While I have never eaten a pair, I hear Jimmy Chews are the best. Word is they melt in your mouth…a fox can dream.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - September 16, 2022
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. In my last chat with you guys I talked a bit about one of the missions of JABCECC. Teaching humans how they can lead happier lives by both thinking like canids, at times, as well as feeling a connection with nature and the animals that inhabit it. One of our slogans here is “helping canids help themselves by helping people”. This can manifest in many ways but can be as simple as a person spending some time with coming to the realization that killing us for our fur is morally reprehensible. We help them by giving them an experience they won’t soon forget, they help us by advocating against fur farming….seems like a fair trade. Another one of our slogans here is “All hail Vlad” but we can talk about that one on another day.
Us canids at JABCECC are happy to teach you about how to appreciate the simple things in life. These “simple things” are all around, you just need to be open to seeing them. As thanks for allowing me into Facebook and Instagram feeds every Friday I am going to give you some knowledge that has been handed down for thousands of generations and is the secret to happiness ….Belly rubs, lots of belly rubs
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - September 9, 2022
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. I’m trying find my compatriots so we can finish our last meeting that, as you may recall, had to be canceled on account of Yuri’s gluttony. Our howling, healing and harmonies fundraiser is coming up and we need to talk about making it a success. The money raised will go towards the care of the canid residents at JABCECC as well our programs designed to make you better humans.
You see whether you believe it or not, there is a lot people can learn from canids. We have more in common with you than you may think. The part of our brain where emotions arise is almost identical to that of the human brain. The difference is you guys have a ginormous neocortex. This “creative brain” is what has given the world space travel, the internet and microwaveable pizza…in no particular order of importance. It has also given you spitefulness, vindictiveness, contempt and bipolar disorder. We canids know that happiness comes from harmony with our environment which helps create harmony with our emotions, and vise versa. I call this The Tao of Vlad. The problem for you humans comes when the part of your brain that evolved to handle emotions a few hundred thousand years ago competes with the part that has been doing it for 250 million years. You can learn from us canids how to avoid this by not always listening to that know it all, Debbie downer neocortex…Just got a message from HR. Apparently legal contacted them and they want me to post the following disclaimer.
These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. Foxes are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.
Not sure why they are making such a big deal about this. When Sergei was trying to sell fox pee as a treatment for male pattern baldness nobody said anything. The only thing that stopped him was he couldn’t decide whether to call it “foxy locks” or “chrome dome-mycin”
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - September 2, 2022
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. So I’m back from my special assignment and I am sure you all missed me. Let me tell you, I wasn’t back for 5 minutes before it turned into a total 💩 show around here. Now those that have spent much time around foxes know that, in a literal sense, it is a 💩 show pretty much all the time around us. Foxes have the incredible ability to 💩 at anytime for any reason. As a matter of fact, awhile back we where pitched a reality show called “The 💩 show”. We got as far as filming a pilot and I thought it was a shoe in to get picked up when, on cue, Vasily laid down a log shaped like Elvis. It turned out the corporate executives felt it lacked the “shock value” required in today’s reality shows.
The 💩 show I spoke of was more in a figurative sense. As soon as I got back Panda comes up to me and questions me about why I put a picture of baby Ishy in my chat last week instead of a picture of baby Panda. She then accused me of overlooking her cuteness as a kit. In an attempt to diffuse the situation I assured Panda she was cute as a kit but history has shown people really like pictures of baby Ishy. She then demanded I go tell Ishy that “Panda was the cutest baby”. This was not something I was prepared to do as Ishy can get quite cantankerous when she gets upset. I really didn’t want to take a ride on that coocoo train so I told Panda I would have my Vladiators vote on who was cuter.
An hour later Freddy comes up and says he heard I was orchestrating a baby beauty pageant and he wanted to remind me that he was quite cute as a kit. I tried to tell him that no, this is not “toddlers and tiaras” but rather I’m just trying to appease Panda and I would rather swallow a pregnant wildcat and crap out a litter of kittens then to take sides between Ishy and Panda. He didn’t seem to get it as he gave me a picture of him as a young’un as he walked away.
So help me out. Comment on who you think was the cutest kit. This way I have no culpability as to the winner and losers, it’s all on you. Just don’t be surprised if two disgruntled foxes show up on your doorstep if you don’t vote for them.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - August 26, 2022
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If you need immediate help please contact….ok you know what, let’s be honest here, there is no one else you can contact cause nobody else here can muster even an iota of the competence I exhibit on a daily basis. So if you need immediate help, you are up the proverbial creek without a paddle. I will be checking my messages but will be unlikely to respond unless your request has to do with the loss of life and/or limb. In the event of a zombie apocalypse I can be reached at my personal email.
ifyoubothervladduringhistimeoffhewillleavea💩onyourfrontporch@gmail.com.
In order to assist you in coping with my time “out-of-pocket” I have left some pictures of baby Ishy for your viewing pleasure.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - August 19, 2022
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. I need your opinion. Do these two look up to no good??? Cause I think they do. They were also acting suspect. This is what I mean.
I got up this morning at 6 am. Breakfast is served at 6:30. The others were already outside so this allowed 30 minutes of me time. I used this time to go through my fan mail...shout out to Danny P… I hope your pet shih tzus, Duncan Butterbeans and Daisy Belle Fluffbottoms get well soon. I also recited my positive affirmations for the day. Canid Conservation is such a daunting task sometimes it’s hard not to get negative. I ended on my favorite and perhaps most relevant affirmation.. I won’t let idiots ruin my day today. With that I was ready to face the world. I didn’t get 2 steps towards the door before I tripped on Panda’s irresponsibly placed Crusty the clown 🤡 chew toy. I staggered forward and then ran into our water bowl. It was all downhill from there as I face planted into the bowl. This wouldn’t have been so bad except for the fact that Yuri had turned the water into his “special” lemonade on his way out the door. I got up and shook myself off. Still energized by my affirmations, I was determined not to let this ruin my day. If anyone asked why I smelled like urine I would just say it’s my new eau de toilette.
Once outside I saw the whole crew with the exception of Lena and Sasha on the far end of the enclosure. They were trying to entice a bird to fly into the pen. Sasha and Lena were on the other side of our habitat speaking in hushed tones. I walked by and said “ hi ladies”. They just stared at me. Now in their defense I was a bit disheveled and smelled of pee. I then asked, “ what are you vixens talking about”, again silence. Eventually Sasha chimed in and said, “ we are discussing if Penguins have knees. I know this was a lie. These two are not known for having deep thoughts. If they had said we are making fun of Laika cause she has chicken stuck between her front teeth, that I would believe. Also, everybody knows penguins have knees. So something is definitely rotten in Denmark..don’t you think?
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - August 12, 2022
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. You may of heard that on Oct. 1 JABCECC will be having our annual fundraiser. This will be an experience you will definitely not want to miss. To make the occasion extra special, management has put me in charge of entertainment. Vasily said he could do stand up comedy and tried a joke out on me. “What do you call a magic dog??? A labrabracadabrador”. After that I thought it would be imperative to call a staff meeting to discuss everything, but unfortunately, as is the case with many of our meetings, things got a bit raucous. You can see me calling for order in the video I posted.
Our meeting started with Lena being recognized to read the minutes from our last meeting. Lena explained the minutes did not exist due to an “incident”. After further questioning on the exact nature of the incident, Lena said right after the last meeting Yuri decided to attempt the kitchen sink challenge. This is a contest sponsored the San Francisco Creamery. All one needs to do is finish their kitchen sink sundae in under 30 minutes and they get free ice cream for a year. This sundae consists of three sliced bananas, 8 scoops of ice cream, 8 servings of toppings, chocolate sauce, mounds of whipped cream, chopped toasted almonds and cherries. Yuri thought this would be no problem at all. Just before he was ready to take his first bite, Sergei mentioned that he probably shouldn’t eat it as chocolate sauce is bad for foxes. Upon hearing this Yuri was crushed. In a rare emotional outburst he threw his spoon which bounced off Laika’s head, ricocheted off Sasha’s leg, struck Panda’s bacon scented garden gnome chew toy, before flying back towards Yuri. He ducked and the spoon crashed into the bowl containing the kitchen sink. The bowl broke and the contents oozed out onto the table. The minutes from the last meeting were also on the table and started to commingle with the sundae. In an unfortunate turn of events the ink used was soluble in maraschino cherry juice and quickly dissolved into oblivion.
With no minutes to read, anarchy ensued. The meeting was adjourned and rescheduled.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - August 5, 2022
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. Today we will be discussing my modeling endeavors. I have attached a picture from a recent shoot for a company producing a line of fox shaped kazoos..they named them Fozoos. The picture shows one of my signature looks, I call it mock Naugahyde. Now I know what you are thinking 🤔 you already do so much around there and have so many talents, how is it possible you can be such an accomplished model. You are such a renaissance man/fox. All I can say to that is “yes, guilty as charged”.
From the time I was just a wee kit I felt I had the ability to do great things. The combination of my razor sharp wit and stunning good looks were a recipe for success. All I needed to do was work hard and get a few breaks and the sky was the limit. My first big break came when I was selected to go to America and become an ambassador for JABCECC. This provided me with the visibility I needed to let the world bask in my greatness and gave me a platform to inspire everyone to be better people. This is where my modeling comes in. It is hard not to be inspired by the beauty of a fox in particular one as stunning as myself.
Now many people around here get all goo-goo eyed around Maksa when she is modeling. They go so far as to call her the “it girl”. Sure, she does a fine job but she has the advantage of diminished expectations...And where do these diminished expectations come from you ask? One word..Viktor. You see Maksa’s photo shoots always come right after Viktor’s and the thing is he can’t take anything seriously. The world is Viktor’s playground and those around him are just squeaky toys. Most of his photos end up on the cutting room floor because he is doing something utterly ridiculous. By the time Maksa comes out everyone is so exhausted from Viktor’s antics that she doesn’t need to do much to be considered a phenom.
I, on the other hand, am judged solely on my significant talents with no buffoonish court jester as contrast. Viktor may have some hidden talents but they are hidden better than the truth at a pathological liars convention.
So go out and get yourself a Fozoo..and tell them Vlad sent you
Vlad out
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - July 29, 2022
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. I am here today with Libby to do a deep dive into her psyche and find out what makes her tick. Libby’s full name is Liberty Bell but she goes by Libby Belle..although we have also been known to call her bat 💩 crazy. She is an American fox who was born into the exotic animal pet trade. Due to some legal problems she ended up needing to be rescued and found a forever home at JABCECC.
Welcome to my chat Libby. Thanks V, great to be here. Ok Libby, you can just call me Vlad or Mr. Vlad or even sir, but not “V”. Whatever Vladdy, so what do you want to chat about? We’re here today Libby to find out just what goes on between those two ears of yours, so I will start by asking if you were a tree what kind would you be and why? Jeez, that’s an easy one V man, it would be an ash tree cause I love to be a pain in everyone’s ash. Libby, it’s just Vlad..why is it you enjoy being a pain? Well Chatty Vladdy, I just need to add some effervescence around here. I mean you Belyaev foxes are just a bit too laid back. The most exciting thing I see you guys doing is trying to rescue Yuri when he gets his face stuck in something. Libby, I am wondering if you have hearing difficulties cause my name is just Vlad. I hear you just fine Mr. Plaid. Ok, I see what you’re doing here Libby, you are trying to assert dominance by refusing to say my name correctly. This is usually a sign of feelings of insignificance. Do you suffer from imposter syndrome? Do you not feel worthy of being a fox? Not a chance Chad, I’m a foxy lady. Let’s get something straight Libby, I am everyone’s favorite fox and have a lot of power around here. One word from me and you spend the night downwind from Lucan after he’s fed a big bowl of chili. You can’t scare me V Diddy cause I’m as crazy as a bag of rabid weasels. Well Libby, I’m not gonna argue on that point.
While we may not have determined what goes on between Libby’s ears, I think it’s safe to say it might be a ok place to visit but you wouldn’t want to live there. It is worth noting that while Libby might be coocoo for Cocoa Puffs, we all appreciate the spice she brings to our lives.
Vlad out.