Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. I hope all my Vladiators had a great Christmas, I sure did. You see all the ambassadors got together and got me present to thank me for being such a kind and giving leader. They gave me an absolutely lovely large lump of coal. I imagine they remember how cold it was in Siberia and how everyone huddled around the coal burning stove to stay warm. It was just so thoughtful for them to get me a gift that reminds me of my younger years. But then I got to thinking maybe that wasn’t their intention at all..maybe the coal, which is mostly carbon, was meant to symbolize a diamond, which is also made of carbon. It was their way of telling me I am the most valuable gem 💎. I mean I know all the other ambassadors worship me but it is truly touching they would say I am a diamond.
Of course the more I thought about it I began to wonder if any of the other ambassadors are intelligent enough to grasp that sort of symbolism. We certainly know our bear claw loving bumpkin Yuri isn’t. Lena shows promise sometimes, but I don’t see her putting the effort into figuring this out. So the question remains, why would the others give me a large lump of coal for Christmas? It could be some American tradition. Panda 🐼 is more into these kind of things so I could ask her. Or, I could just google it latter, but I’m sure it is something you would only give to your dearest friends. Those who have truly made a positive difference in your life. Consequently, to all my dearest Vladiators, if I could, I would make sure everyone of you had a Christmas stocking full of coal. Merry Christmas, happy holidays and wishes for a joyous new year.
Vlad out
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - December 15, 2023
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. What do you see in this picture. I’ll tell you what I see…I see Zuri, the black backed jackal, chillaxin in a cushy chair. The problem with this is have you ever seen a picture of Vlad, everyone’s favorite fox, sitting in a comfy chair?? The correct answer to that inquiry is no, I have not. That is because Vlad, the most important ambassador, has never been invited to sit in this exquisite chair. Sure there are pictures of me sitting on metal chairs and sure if I were to sit in a chair with such a wonderful cushion I would surely eat it or 💩 on it but that is no excuse for depriving Vlad, the linchpin of this operation, of this creature comfort.
Now I shouldn’t take this personally as I know the jackals are being socialized so they can be good ambassadors and as such management is spending a lot of time with them but it’s hard for Vlad, the big kahuna, to not look at this as a slight. I guess I will just need to let the staff here know about my dissatisfaction with this situation. They will no doubt quickly remedy it as they can’t have Vlad, the star attraction, being in any way disgruntled. I’m sure I will have my own comfy chair lickidy split. Of course I will immediately destroy it but I will have the satisfaction of knowing I am valued. When you’re as humble as I am, when anyone goes out of their way to validate me, it feels good. No doubt I will speak to you next time from my new comfy chair.
Vlad, the most precious fox that ever was or will be, out
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - December 1, 2023
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. I’m here today with our New Guinea Singing Dogs Luxx, Nicky and Stumpy. Welcome to my chat guys. Hi Vlad, we are happy to be here but I want you to know not to get snarky with us or we will have to go wild dingo on you. What’s “wild dingo” Luxx? Well Vlad it’s what happens when we get upset. You see Vlad, NGSDs are sometimes called New Guinea Dingoes or Forest Dingoes. We are genetically very similar to Australian Dingoes. So much so that some researchers call us one in the same. So bottom line don’t get us angry…you wouldn’t like us when we’re angry. Noted Luxx. How did you end up at JABCECC. Well Vlad, I was born at a zoo in Canada. It was very cold there and my living conditions weren’t great. Some good samaritans working at the zoo took me home and raised me. Then one day I smelled something I could not resist. I tracked the delightful smell to a 7 11 store. Once I broke inside I found it was coming from a rack of hot dogs which I quickly ate. People determined I was the “perp” and I was sent back to lockup at the zoo. Luckily soon after that I was rescued out of the zoo and made my way to JABCECC. Great story Luxx, I don’t think I could have resisted those hot dogs either.
So Nicky what’s your deal. Hi Vlad, Stumpy and I are Luxx’s sons. I was first born which is why I’m the smartest and best looking. Stumpy was born with that stubby tail. Unfortunately only a very few NGSDs were ever brought out of the wild which means all the NGSDs outside of New Guinea are very inbred. Exotic breeders sometimes get their hands on us and convince people we are great companion animals for everyone, but the truth is we can be very difficult so those animals often need to be rescued. I know what you mean Nicky, the same thing happens to foxes. I can’t help but notice the couches we are on have many holes, was that your handiwork? Well Vlad, I have destroyed so many things, it’s hard to keep track but It would be safe to say a few of these holes were my creations. Ok guys I’ve got important things to get done so thank you for your time.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - November 17, 2023
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. Happy Friday…not. So rain has returned to the center. Normally this is not a problem for me cause I can just go inside but this time the others were in there having a conversation about whether or not turtles can leave there shells. Yuri was sure they could as otherwise “how would they go to the bathroom “. Panda thought he might be right hence the expression, “he needs to come out of his shell”. Of course they are wrong. Everybody knows, the carapace and the plastron (top and bottom shell), are fused to the ribs and vertebrae, so non removable. I couldn’t handle the ignorance so I had to leave.
People often ask how I am such a polymath and why my English is so robust. After all I am from Russia so english was nobody’s first language and of course I am a fox. It turns out one of the researchers at the institute of cytology and genetics used to leave the TV control near the fox enclosure so I was able to watch reruns of TJ Hooker and NCIS which is how I learned English. I also watched the Discovery Channel and I am ashamed I also caught a few episodes of Honey boo boo on TLC.
The Discovery Channel taught me all about EL Nino, also known as the El Niño-Southern Oscillation. Basically El Niño is unusually warm water in the Pacific which causes rainy weather during the winter in Southern California. There is a strong El Niño this year so that means many days sitting in the rain while the others are discussing whether or not gnats have testicles and if so where do they keep them.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - November 3, 2023
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. So the results are in…kinda. Last we spoke I mentioned a contest to decide which of us ambassadors was cutest as a youth. Technically the winner was Ishy, but with a big asterisk next to her name. You see I’m pretty sure some shenanigans occurred during the voting. Why do I think this??? Frankly cause I didn’t win and it’s obvious I was the cutest. I will admit my baby picture was taken at the the institute of cytology and genetics, and while they may be fine geneticists, they are most definitely not fine photographers…but I still should have won.
I believe there was a plot by some of the other ambassadors to suppress the vote for me and support it for Ishy. I did hear Panda say if I win my head will get so big it will be assigned it’s own zip code. I think some of the others got in touch with a Bolivian hacking group they learned about on the dark web. These unscrupulous characters have a back door into the Meta servers which they used to alter they results of the voting. Granted I have no proof of any of this but given the circumstances this explanation seems the most likely.
Despite the contested nature of the results, I will honor my pledge and have Ishy on my chat. Hi Ishy. Hi Vlad. How do you feel about winning this contest due to potential fraud Ishy. I feel great Vlad, because everybody knows I am the cutest and they know you are crazy. I just call it like I see it Ishy. As do I Vlad. I think we will just need to agree to disagree on this Ishy. Sure Vladdy, but I see no point in participating in your chat given your issues, see ya Vlad. Unbelievable Ishy.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - October 20, 2023
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. You may recall my last chat on the importance of play included a picture of a young #dorkwolf doing just that. Well as innocuous as that sounds, that picture has caused quite a kerfuffle around her. It started with Panda mentioning she saw my post and while Lucan was cute as a puppy, he was no where near as cute as she was. Then Lena chimed in and proclaimed she was the cutest. Ishy then said it is well known that she was the cutest of the bunch. Of course Panda couldn’t let that go unchallenged and said “Ishy, I think you’re mistaking cute for psycho. I’m sure you can all see where this went from there. It went from bad to worse with insults and innuendo being readily exchanged. At one point Sergei actually told Lena that her mama was so ugly that when she puts her pictures on Facebook they get flagged as harmful content. Now this was not the most reasoned insult as Sergei and Lena are full siblings.
The thing is, after a very busy spring and summer of bringing in new residents, it is finally slowing down a bit. They say idle minds are the devil’s workshop and around her that translates into someone bringing the drama llama out of its stable to just cause a ruckus and create some effervescence.
Of course this whole hullabaloo is quite pointless as truth be told I was by far the cutest kit the world has been privileged to cast its eyes upon. But just to satisfy the others I will post pictures of us ambassadors as young’uns and you can verify what we all already know. The winner will be featured on my next chat.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - October 6, 2023
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. Today I wanted to talk to my fans about the importance of play. Everybody knows when we’re young we play all the time, but just because we get a bit older does not mean we need to stop. I mean look at me. I am a mature fox with the weight of the world on my shoulders but when I see the rings, I drop everything and give them a good chew…And then give them a toss in hopes of hitting someone.
Young canids often play to practice skills they will need to perfect in order to survive in the wild. For instance, when young #dorkwolf was playing, he was preparing for the day he would need to take down a caribou. As fate would have it, he will never need to take down a caribou but he still uses those skills to take down anyone brave enough to enter the octagon with him, and he has loads of fun doing it.
Now Yuri has his own idea of fun. I’m sure you have all heard of bobbing for apples. Well, Yuri puts a slight twist to it and engages in bobbing for bear claws. Yuri, being no rocket scientist, fails to take into account that once the bear claws hit the water they lose all integrity and transmogrify into a soggy bloated gooey sludge. There really isn’t much to bob for at this point as the contents of the bucket become like a big bear claw smoothie. Needless to say, this is a solitary activity for Yuri, but as long as he has fun that is all that matters.
Laika also has her favorite way to play. Her toy of choice is a wadded up piece of fire hose. We all think it’s because she is a real hot head. She can gnaw on this thing for hours and you better not try to take it away from her or else you’ll see the fire breathing dragon she can be.
Of course It is well know that Viktor has a love affair with pink pigs. Why pink pigs you ask…we really don’t know, but we do know the pig needs to be pink. Any other color just won’t do.
So what I am saying is no matter what your age and how busy you are, always make sure you leave time to play. I would however strongly recommend you stay away from anything involving bear claw smoothies.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - September 22, 2023
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. As you all know, in the last couple of months JABCECC has taken in 7 new residents. With all these additional mouths to feed, us ambassadors called an emergency staff meeting to brain storm about ways to bring in much needed funds.
The meeting was called to order and a quorum was determined to be present. A motion was made to skip the reading of the minutes and a gag order was proposed to prevent Yuri from taking up valuable time discussing breakfast pastries. The motion was passed with the only nay vote coming from Yuri, who said he would fight…for his right…to pastry.
I addressed my fellow ambassadors and told them it was important for us to come up with innovative ways to obtain donations if we expect to continue to get our favorite treats. I then opened the floor to suggestions. One of our newest foxes, Clara, chimed in and said after she was rescued off the fur farm, they drove by a county fair and she saw a kissing booth that seemed quite popular. Everyone liked her suggestion and the only question that remained was which one of us would do the kissing. After some intense discussions we all coalesced around the idea that it needed to be the #dorkwolf, Lucan.
This decision did not come without problems..the foremost being the boy’s breath. Us foxes, being quite clever, came up with ways to turn the malodorous fumes emanating from his maw into a money making opportunity. We figured our best bet was to turn the kissing experience into a challenge. I mean if people are willing to eat Tide pods, they can surely be convinced they want to kiss a stinky wolf. For $2, Lucan will pucker up for you, but we also have the add on “survival kit” for $20. The kit includes two boxes of wintergreen Tik Tacs, a super sized bottle of Binaca , some Pepto Bismol and a commemorative “I kissed a #dorkwolf and I liked it” t shirt. Just as we were starting to think we had a winning business proposition, Sergei ask to be recognized. The words that came from his mouth took the wind right out of our sails. He said “ have you considered how often and enthusiastically Lucan licks his butt?” We all agreed this “visual” could affect the revenue generating potential of the kissing booth. Ideas were exchanged, but after we excluded strategically applied Tabasco sauce, for ethical and logistical reasons, a sub committee was formed to further examine the problem.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - September 8, 2023
Friday Chat w/Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. Have you ever had one of those days when everyone around you just exceeds your expectations in every imaginable way? A day where others seem to be able to read your mind in regards to what you need at that particular moment and promptly fulfill all your wishes. Where everyone is on the same page and working together in perfect harmony, striving to achieve the same goals..Have you had a day like that?? Me neither. Now if you were to ask me if I have had a day where everyone fails miserably in meeting my expectations, are so caught up in their own mundane issues they are unable to anticipate my most basic wants, and are so out of synch with me, it’s as though I am on page 942 of “War and Peace” and everyone else is having trouble getting by page 2 of “ I Eat Poop…A Dung Beatle’s Story”…If you asked that I would say welcome to my life.
As you may know, in the last month we have welcomed 7 new residents to JABCECC. Is hard enough getting 1 new rescue initiated and up to speed on their responsibilities here, but 7 has brought me to my wits end. You’d think the others would see me running around like a gazelle in the cheetah house and up their game a bit, but it turns out their game is to sit on their rears and let Vlad handle it all. During a quick look around, I saw Panda chewing on her toenails, Yuri searching for bear claw crumbs, Lena trying to convince Sergei to spin around until he falls down, Sasha pretending to be a Llama, Laika talking about if you should tell an introverted turtle to come out of its shell, and lastly Dimitri and Vasily brainstorming on what to call their autumn corn maze…the lead contenders are the Maize maze and the Cornundrum. None of this does an iota of good in getting 7 anxious residents settled in. The only saving grace is that I am such a remarkable specimen I will handle it all and no one will see me sweat. Such is the burden I bear on a daily basis around here, and I ask so little in return. Just everyone’s complete loyalty and unquestioned servitude, acknowledgment of my unbridled humility and a kidney should the need ever arise.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - August 25, 2023
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. Greetings Vladiators. Last night our new residents from Wild Wonders in Utah showed up. I have not had a chance to meet all of them yet but I did briefly speak wit Nic. He was still getting settled in and I did not want to take up too much of his time, so I just gave him a quick tutorial of the rules at JABCECC. He can take his written exam at a later date.
Management has already given him a nickname…Fabio. For my younger fans who have not heard of Fabio, he was a fashion model and cultural icon in the early 90’s known for his flowing locks. Now I must admit there is an uncanny resemblance between the two. I have included a picture of both of them so you can see for yourself.
The plan is for Nic/Fabio to hang out with Vinnie. She is a resident that was rescued off a fur farm. Vinnie used to be ok with us Belyaev foxes, but suddenly decided she was going to spend all her time screaming at us, at which point she had to be housed separately. This occurred not a minute too soon, as Laika was fed up with her. This is never good for anyone because, in my opinion, Laika has rage issues. At any rate, hopefully Vinnie and Nic will get along great.
We have been informed that some of these new guys are kind of divas…FYI, this list included Nic. We really don’t tolerate that kind of behavior here. Everybody knows no one is better than anyone else, myself excluded of course. If Nic tries to pull that diva stuff on Vinnie he may be in for a rude awakening.
I will be sure to get Nic and the others on my chat as soon as they pass all their tests, sign the standard non disclosure documents and profess loyalty to their new leader…me.
Vlad out.