Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. So the dog days of summer are upon us. All of us foxes at JABCECC are sporting our summer coats. Sometimes when people first see us in these coats, they think something is wrong with us because we look so trim.
The fact is, foxes are naturally very trim animals…of course this does not apply to Yuri as there is something very…unnatural about that boy. Our winter coats being so thick, make us look much bigger than we really are. Our true physiques only become evident in the rare circumstances when we need to get a bath. The term drowned rat doesn’t capture all the nuances of our appearance in this situation, but needless to see it is not a great look for us. Of course we make darned sure whoever is doing the bathing gets to know what shampoo tastes like. Thankfully, since I perpetually smell like lotus blossoms, sandalwood, and a delightful hint of skunk butt, I have never needed a bath.
Red fox’s summer and winter coats stay essentially the same color year round, whereas arctic foxes can have dramatic color changes. You may have seen our new resident arctic fox Sakari. She has large areas that are black, but come winter she will be white as the driven snow.
Speaking of Sakari, have you seen the video of the way she was treated by people on the fur farm? It makes my blood boil. I come from a line of foxes that has been selectively bred for over 60 years to love people, but when I watch that video, I can’t say I’m feeling all that warm and fuzzy about humans. Foxes however are very resilient. Sakari will put her past behind her and will come to enjoy her present and since her present includes being in my presence how could she not cherish every day. While it might take some time and patience, she may even begin to appreciate some of the finer things in life…like belly rubs.
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - August 4, 2023
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. Happy Friday my friends. I gotta tell you I am fairly exhausted today. Many of you may know we have several new rescues that will be showing up at the center over the next few weeks. I can’t wait to meet them and make sure they understand my importance around here. As you can imagine, bringing in new residents puts a large demand on my time and energy.
But to make matters worse, Yuri comes to me in the middle of the night and wants to talk. It turns that his fan club, the Yurithras is not taking off and he’s pretty pissed off about. So far the only interest he has gotten is from the Mississippi chamber of commerce, to use the saying “Yuri, puts the pee in Mississippi, as well as from a few members belonging to the International brotherhood of fox loving urologists. I tried to cheer him up so I told him he had a lot to offer and his fan club not being successful was just a wee matter, but I don’t think he was listening as my words just whizzed by his head. I told him if he wanted his club to succeed he needed to get out there and promote it, he couldn’t just piddle around and expect results. I then went on to say whatever he had done in the past is just water under the bridge and he needed to relieve himself of that burden. It was at that point that I think Yuri really heard me and understood because his posture changed and you could almost hear the tinkle of bells going off in his head. He then got up and excused himself and headed for the lavatory.
This is not an uncommon scenario for me and I get it. I’m a pretty big deal so of course those around me feel insignificant. I just keep telling them, “even though I am better then you…you just be the best you”. I think hearing this gives everyone great comfort.
I’m going to hit the head now and then take a nap.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - July 21, 2023
Friday Chat w/Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. Well, we’re in build mode again. Over the next few weeks we have several new residents coming to the center so we are all working diligently to get their habitats set up. Now I say “all working diligently” as to not hurt anyone’s feelings cause truth be told, we do have a few slackers in our midst. I won’t call anyone out by name, but I will say while everyone was out digging holes, I saw Viktor watching the real housewives of Beverly Hills on Bravo .
The first group to come here were rescued from a fur farm by some kind people. Why such places still exist I cannot fathom. The second group worked as ambassadors for many years, and are now ready to retire to sunny California. An area is being created just for them and we are brainstorming to come up with an appropriate retirement community name for it. I came up with Fox Hollow which is great as I have the best brain.
In the middle of all this activity we were contacted about giving a home to a baby coyote. Unfortunately there are exotic breeders out there who produce animals like this and convince people they are the perfect pet. They are not! Be it foxes, wolves, coyotes,singing dogs, or other exotic canids, the vast majority of people will rue the day they decided to bring one of these into their home. I mean come on, I’m a domesticated fox but do I seem like the perfect pet? Newsflash, I poop and pee when and where I want, and then expect you to pick it up, and perhaps I’ve even rolled in it. I will eat your Prada boots as an appetizer before chewing on your couch. I will demand room service everyday to bring me my meals, and just might pee in the bowl if it’s not exactly right. And forgot about me doing anything you want me to. I may even do the exact opposite to make a point. When you think about it, if there is a “pet” relationship here, one must examine who the pet really is. But if humans decide to be MY companion animal that’s their business and I will not stop them. They can provide for my every need, and in return, they can bask in my greatness.
Ok, got to get back on the tractor to dig more holes. The foreman’s work is never done.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - July 7, 2023
Friday Chat w/Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. I hope all my U.S. based Vladiators had a wonderful Independence Day. It seems like a perfect time to express thanks that I was able to immigrate to America 🇺🇸. The land where you are free to point out all the idiots that surround you, and never end up in the gulag.
Recently, it’s been brought to my attention that I haven’t replied to my fan mail in quite some time. I’m sure you all understand what a busy guy I am, but nonetheless it’s important for me to let my countless fans know they are always on my mind. So let’s get right to it.
Our first letter is from Cindy in Vidalia Georgia.
“Hi Darlin. Let me start by saying you just might be sweeter than my great aunt Delilah’s brown sugar peach cake. As you surely know Vlad, Vidalia is the home of world famous sweet onions, and seeing as you are so sweet, l reckon you would be the perfect grand marshall for our annual onion festival and street dance. Whatdaya say honey bun? I’ll save a slow dance for ya.”
As enticing as that sounds Cindy, I will regrettably need to decline. Onions are toxic to canids because they damage our red blood cells. This is truly most unfortunate, as I am an excellent dancer.
Next we’ll hear from Kyle from Middleofnowhere North Dakota. “Hi Vlad, I love foxes and all the other canids there like wolves, coyotes, dingoes and jackals, but I’m wondering if there is any chance you might ever rescue my favorite animal…a coelacanth?? They are just so cute and cuddly with their three lobed caudal fin. You up for a primitive fish Vlad? “
Kyle, coelacanths really don’t show up in need of rescue. For the last 400+ million years they seem to have been doing just fine without human companionship, sorry.
Lastly we have Sue from Ding Dong TX. “ Hi Mr. Vlad, We are presently hosting an exchange student from the Czech Republic. He recently got himself in a bit of trouble and needs to hideout for a bit. I have read foxes have a behavior called cacheing, where they hide stuff. Can you help us?”
Hi Sue, Sounds bad, and would love to help, but I don’t feel comfortable cacheing your Czech.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - June 30, 2023
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. Alright, I’m ready for my close up my fans. Can you see me? With so much going on around here, it would be easy to fade into the background which is one of the reasons I put so much effort into being extra special. The desire to not be invisible is very common. Everyone wants to be noticed, to feel relevant. This is why Yuri eats bear claws by the bushel. It would be impossible for a super sized platinum fox with sugary icing covering much of his body to go unnoticed. All of us ambassadors have this same desire but we express it in different ways. Generally in a manner less impactful to our blood glucose than Yuri. This it the art of being visible, doing so in a positive way. For instance, I can walk around here with a wad of 💩 stuck to my left temple and I will certainly get noticed, but at what cost to my reputation. If I am then interacting with someone, trying to convince them to take canid conservation seriously, all they will ever see is the guy who had a dookie on his head. By the way, I will not confirm or deny this has ever happened.
The reason it is so vital for us ambassadors to be visible is so we can share this spotlight with other canids in need, like the thousands of foxes living a bleak existence on fur farms. For some, the invisibility of these souls is advantageous and so they work hard to achieve it, with some success. Many people don’t even realize fur farms still exist, but they do. We need to make sure that these animals do not go quietly into the night, make sure they are seen. To scream it from the rooftops and shine the light of 1000 suns, as it’s been said that sunlight is the best disinfectant. Any industry so exploitive of animals certainly needs some major disinfecting.
A paradox that exists, in the desire to be visible, is everyone adopts camouflage. We try to blend in to be safe. If we were an ice cream it would be Vanilla as to not stand out. Personally, I choose Rocky Road. It’s hard to hide a marshmallow in a sea of chocolate, and shards of crushed nuts in smooth ice cream, may perforate a palate or two, but it’s just the price you pay to be seen. See me?
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - June 16, 2023
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. We have a very special guest for our chat today. He is one of JABCECC newest ambassadors on his first appearance on my chat. Please welcome Shaka. Hi Vlad, it’s great to finally meet you in person, I’ve heard so much about you. I know Shaka, it is great to meet me…now what exactly have you heard about me? All positive I trust. Well Vlad, let me just say everyone here has a lot to say about you. Ok Shaka, that is not exactly an answer but we can circle back to that later. So you are a black backed jackal, correct? Where are you guys from? Yes Vlad, I am a jackal and I’m from Minnesota, but if you’re asking where most black backed jackals are from, the answer is Africa. I see Shaka, let’s talk a bit about your name, does Shaka have a meaning. Well Vlad, many say the name means power. I think it was given to me because at JABCECC I will have the power to teach people about canids and hopefully get them to agree that killing us for senseless reasons is not acceptable. The name also was given to a Zulu chief that united the tribes to fight against injustices. When accompanied by a hand gesture, it has been associated with a laidback lifestyle. Legend has it that a sugar mill worker cut off all his fingers except his thumb and pinky. When he would wave he could only raise these two finger and soon others started to imitate him. Then a mayor in Honolulu started doing it while saying “Shaka Brah” and it stuck. Wow Shaka, that is a lot of information. Well Vlad, this is an education center so I’m here to educate. Excellent Shaka, now back to what the others are saying about me. I don’t know Vlad, just normal stuff. Panda said something about bringing you a ladder, and then said something else. Shaka, if that “something else” was “so he can get over himself” heads will roll. And by the way Shaka, you know what Panda calls you and your sisters??? The Jay holes. Vlad, there is a saying in Africa that goes “Uma uluma ungakhethi, ugcina usudla owakho umsila” which means when you bite indiscriminately, you end up eating your own tail. That all the time we have Shaka, ba bye.
Vlad out
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - June 2, 2023
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. Well, it’s past Memorial Day and I guess that means everyone can wear white again until Labor Day. I’m not sure who made this rule and I’m quite sure it doesn’t apply to foxes. Even if it did, I’m a cross fox which means I am mostly orange, black and silver. I do have a white tip on my tail which I would proudly display before summer just to stick it to the man. Arctic fox Freddie snowball on the other hand is white during the whole winter, a walking fashion faux pas. He is a color morph called a shadow, so at least he gets to be white in the summertime. Most Arctic foxes lose their white fur and turn dark in the spring.
This “fashion rule” is just one of the many things that makes no sense to me. Like why a fly is called a fly but an ant is not a crawl, or an orange is an orange but a lemon isn’t a yellow or why do you bake cookies but cook bacon? Of course the most nonsensical of all, the thing I just can’t wrap my head around no matter what is a platypus. I will admit I don’t understand the need for fashion altogether. The fashion rules are probably made by someone sitting in some ivory tower figuring out ways to get you to buy more stuff. These are the same people trying to convince you that my fur, looks better on you, than it does on me.
Another thing to look forward in summer is barbecues. When management fires up the grill they always will share with us hard working ambassadors… I say “hard working” but the truth is we do have a few slackers in our ranks, I’m sure you could guess who they are. Anyway, as far as the BBQ, chicken hot dogs are the favorite around here. Now I know what you are thinking, “Vlad aren’t those full of chicken parts like beaks and chicken combs?”. You bet they are, the best parts. You know what they say about chicken combs? “Bet you can’t eat just one”.
It will be an exciting summer at JABCECC. Between the opening of the healing path dedicated to dogs, to the arrival of some new rescued ambassadors… FYI, management did tell me about these new arrivals, probably due to the hissy fit I threw about being left in the dark about Shaka and crew, the jackals.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - May 19, 2023
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. Just as Jackalpalloza was settling down around here, the third musketeer has shown up and jackal mania has now been dialed up to 11. You see when JABCECC was first contacted about these black backed jackals, we were informed that there were potentially three babies that needed a perfect home. Since our motto here is “no canid gets left behind” of course we agreed to give all of them a home. This motto has roots that go to the very beginning of the center. Boris and Sophie were the first Belyaev foxes to come to JABCECC. Initially only one of them was going to be rescued. Management was told to choose which one would come to America to live the good life. This just wasn’t going to be OK so a way was found to not leave one of them behind. The same was true for me coming to the center. When a researcher fell in love with Panda, JABCECC was asked if there was a way to get her here so she could be happy. Management agreed but soon found out Panda had 8 pals. Once again, none of us were left behind. In light of this, it’s no surprise that all the jackals were offered a home. Unfortunately, before they could make the trip, one of them broke their leg. In order to allow her time to heal and have continuity of care, jackals Shaka and Zuri came first, followed by Nalla once she healed. Now that we have all gotten to see what a pistol Nalla can be, there have been discussions that her injury might have been an inside job.
It has become clear to me that if I am to have any chance of getting these guys under control, I needed to learn more about jackals. During this research I learned that Black Backed Jackals are the most basal of the dog like canids. This means they are at the base of the evolutionary tree having been around for millions of years. I told Yuri about the jackals being basal and after what appeared to be a bout of deep thought he exclaimed. “That’s great, but actually I prefer oregano”. Oh Yuri, a sweet guy but if he ever has an intelligent thought it will surely die of loneliness.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - May 12, 2023
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. Crikey it was a busy week at the center. We had guests out doing behavioral testing on us foxes. Dr. Anna Kukekova, who is a professor of molecular genetics from the University of Illinois was among them. She has done some of the seminal work understanding how our genetics makes us Belyaev foxes so special. I actually overheard her speaking to management about some of the techniques she uses to sequence our DNA. Thankfully, just the other day on a trip to the loo, I picked up some reading material to entertain myself during my “quality time”. The books I randomly grabbed were, How to 💩 in the Woods (an environmentally sound approach to a lost art) by Kathleen Meyer, The Field Guide to Dumb Birds of North America by Matt Kracht and Molecular Genetics for Exceptionally Gifted Foxes. Knowing full well how to 💩 in the woods and already knowing how to identify a dumb bird, I started to read the book on genetics. It was fascinating and enabled me to understand what Dr. Kukekova was talking about.
Once they isolate our DNA they will sequence it on a machine from a company called Pac Bio. For those of you who have not read Molecular Genetics for Exceptionally Gifted Foxes, this means they will determine the order of certain compounds on the DNA strand. This used to be an incredibly laborious process that often had many errors. These new machines make it much faster and more accurate by reading a single molecule of DNA at a time. You can think of DNA in a cell like a pot of cooked spaghetti. Say your pasta noodles have basil, olives, tomatoes, and onions incorporated into them. When you look into the pot all you would see is a scrambled mess of noodles so it would be difficult to tell the order of ingredients on any one noodle. You need to pull a noodle out and stretch it, then you can look at the strand and one by one identify the order of your produce. This is kind of what the Pac Bio machine does to DNA.
Once the scientists know all the information about our DNA 🧬 they can see if they can find any associations between our sequences and our behaviors, hence the testing of our behavior.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/Vlad - April 28, 2023
Friday Chat w/Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. Well, jackal fever is still going strong at JABCECC. The munchkins are growing like weeds and are eating pretty much non stop. And can we talk about the mischief they get into? Suffice it to say I am going to have my paws full instilling discipline into those little nippers. I can’t start working with them yet because they’re still in quarantine. One of the rules the center must follow to obtain the appropriate permits to have us here is to have a vet plan. This covers the procedures that need to be followed when new residents arrive. They need to get all their vaccinations and have some tests done to make sure everyone stays healthy. Until then, they can’t be close to others.
We are all very excited that we were able to procure a new transport vehicle. Up until this point, in order to go to our various functions, we had to borrow a van. While everyone was appreciative to have access to this vehicle, it was not the safest or most luxurious ride. First of all, during hard braking the van would bounce around like a hyperactive bucking bronco with a broken jar of fire ants under its saddle. On several occasions this caused me to spill my latte. Secondly, the air conditioner barely worked. If you’ve never spent two hours in a van next to a sweaty #dorkwolf, you don’t know the meaning of misery. Had we not gotten this vehicle, it would not have been long before we had to hitch rides to get around. I wouldn’t have any problem getting picked up, but have you seen the motley crew I travel with? Can you imagine the look on an unsuspecting motorists face when they stop to pick up the most handsome fox they’ve ever seen, and then out from behind a bush come 20 foxes, 3 Jackals, 2 coyotes and a #dorkwolf?
I recently sent Vasily out on a mission to check out our new wheels. He reported back that it is a Ford. I hear Bugatti also makes a van. I wonder why we didn’t get that one. Probably because it would cut into Yuri’s bear claw budget by too much. The price I pay for associating with that pastry munching boy.
Vlad out.