Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. This will be my first chat of 2022. I have heard there is a tradition among people to make resolutions that describe the changes they will make to their life in the new year. I also hear there is another tradition that people have which is to almost immediately break their resolutions. I am going to give you some incredible advise on how to never again break any of your resolutions....don’t make them in the first place. Or better yet make a no resolutions resolution. Resolve to except yourself with any shortcomings you might have. It is certainly what I would do....if I had any shortcomings.
You see foxes don’t have much use for regrets about the past. I mean sure, I would like to think Panda regrets putting dirt in my feeder so instead of getting a tasty morsel I got a snozola full of mud..but I’m sure she does not. She has moved on, no doubt thinking about a future way to torment me. The thing is, if you can’t accept yourself with flaws, it is harder to see the flaws and decide if it’s worth your time to work on them.
You see the no resolutions resolution is NOT about eliminating self growth. I am surrounded by others here at the center that could really use some self growth. I like to think of them as little sprouts and I am the Miracle-Gro. I won’t mention any names but perhaps a little vixen whose name rhymes with Uganda 🇺🇬 could use a healthy dose of growth. You see if little Miss Uganda regrets putting muck in my feeder she likely will put it out of her mind and not consider such a foolish prank could of caused me grave bodily harm, potentially having dirt lodge in my sinus and causing a nasty infection. It is only through her acceptance of her heinous actions in a non judgmental way can she experience the growth needed to kneel before me and beg for forgiveness, resolving to never engage in such a nefarious deed again. You see the power of the no resolutions resolution?
Now, for those of you who are such traditionalist that you can’t accept not making a New Years resolution might I suggest something simple...perhaps showing a certain fox 🦊 named Vlad more love in 2022.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - Jan 14, 2022
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. Minutes from first staff meeting of 22
The meeting was called to order at 8 am by Vlad who then asked the Secretary, Lena, to conduct a role call. Panda, Sergie, Lena, Leika, Yuri, Sasha and Vlad where found to be in attendance. Lena said a quorum was present and the meeting could continue.
Panda made a motion for donuts to be served at the meeting and asked if anyone would second the motion. Yuri seconded the motion but added that he preferred bear claws. Vlad, said now was not the time for this discussion as the minutes from the last meeting need to be read before new business is discussed. Panda said that was stupid but yielded the floor to Lena to read the minutes.
Lena said at the last meeting we discussed a welcome party 🎉 for the new rescue Freddy Snowball. She said Sergei mentioned he thought arctic foxes ate lemmings and Panda wondered if we could get lemming flavored donuts. Yuri said he thought we could but he believed lemming flavored bear claws would be better. Vlad thought this is a ridiculous discussion and began banging the gavel which promptly broke and flew up and struck him on the temple. Examination of the gavel showed the handle had been chewed on causing the failure. Incriminations flew and the meeting was adjourned.
Having read the minutes from the previous meeting Lena said it was time to discuss unfinished business. Panda said donuts. Vlad said revenge. A motion to discuss these topics failed as a small lizard 🦎 had crawled into the enclosure and everyone else was pretty fixated on it.
New business. Vlad suggested we form separate working groups to discuss different issues and suggested a group to discuss infrastructure expansion at the center. Panda suggested a group to discuss getting donuts for these meetings. Yuri said he could get behind Panda’s idea if it’s scope was expanded to include ALL breakfast pastries. Leika wondered how much longer this meeting would go on as she wanted to go lay in the sun. Vlad said he’d let her know when she could leave. Leika kicked a small stone, which struck Vlad in the temple. Incriminations flew and the meeting was adjourned.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - Jan 21, 2022
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. Just hanging out with Vinnie and having a little brunch. You guys all remember Vinnie right?? She was part of the 30 fur farm fox rescue JABCECC accomplished a while back. You probably notice that she is missing an ear and her tail. Foxes on fur farms are so stressed out they often get ears, tails and even legs chewed off by their mothers. In some ways Vinnie’s mother did her a favor. You see because she was missing her tail she was considered less valuable to the nasty fur farmer, so instead of skinning her, he allowed the JABCECC team to bring her to safety. Nowadays Vinnie is living her best life at the center. She really likes it when the trainers come to see us Russians. She sits there looking as pathetic as she possibly can until the trainers give her treats. It would not surprise me to find she has a Sarah McLachlan song cued up ready to play if her sad little gazes prove ineffective. So far she has never needed help from Sarah.
Vinnie’s house is right across from Freddie Snowballs place. They spend a lot of time watching each other. Management is not sure just yet if she wants to play with Freddie or she wants to each his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. Vinnie is not telling anyone which it is. Of course she likes me but I’m sure that comes as a surprise to nobody because frankly, I’m quite likable.
When us Russians are entertaining on encounter days, Vinnie gets put away out of view. She is not all that fond of strangers. I spend this time with Vinnie to counsel her and help her with her issues. She had a lot of mental trauma as a kit. I view myself as more of a Jungian than a Freudian. First of all, and it may be wrong, but I don’t trust anyone named Sigmund. Secondly, I like to focus on future aspirations as opposed to past experiences. We know that Vinnie had bad past experience that direct her behavior so we focus on behaviors that will help her attain future aspirations. Our talks have uncovered that Vinnie aspires to be a ballerina, a cowgirl or an ambassador for the center. Never say never but we are focused on the third one.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - Jan 28, 2022
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. You may have seen that Freddie Snowball is out of quarantine. Whenever a new animal comes to live here they need to be kept separated for 30 days to make sure they don’t have any communicable diseases. With Freddie we really didn’t know where that boy had been and what unsavory company he may have kept. Because of this, he could not be in any areas that the rest of us use. Now he is able to be in what we call the big house. He really enjoys it. He wanders all around checking everything out. I think he is looking for lemmings. I don’t have the heart to tell him that his searching will be in vain. We do have squirrels here but I am not sure that will be an adequate substitute for him.
In a few weeks I will need to have a sit down with Freddie to see what his deal is. I can always use another loyal resident to help me keep order. Unfortunately many of the others here continually try to challenge my efforts. Panda and Lucan are repeat offenders. They always seem to be plotting about ways to cause trouble. While those two are the worst, that’s not to say the others are angels. Viktor is a bit passive aggressive. In his encounters he comes across as this incredibly friendly, easy going guy. Behind the scenes he can be a prima donna who has yet to acknowledge my greatness. Leika can also be a bit of a pill. You may recall a few weeks back she attempted to inflict bodily harm upon me by propelling a rock towards me. Vasily and Dimitri are pretty cool and usually have my back but Sergei and Lena can be rabble rousers. So you see I have my “hands” pretty full here trying to get this place to function like a well oiled machine. Luckily my leadership skills are quite robust. I believe in allowing the others to see that I am a natural leader and trusting them to come to that conclusion on their own without force. There is a saying from Russia that goes “you can build a throne from bayonets but you can’t sit on it for long”. Of course there is also a saying that goes “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me for not punching you on the throat the first time”.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - Feb 4, 2022
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. Many people ask me when they see us ambassadors playing together so nicely, how this can be on account of all the conflict they have heard about in my chats. Well the truth is I have stellar conflict resolution skills. I get my inspiration in this area from three places. The first is Gandhi who said “An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind”. I take this to mean you never want to respond to a slight with a proportionate response but rather always a greater one. Kind of like the line “He pulls a knife, you pull a gun”. Of course none of us have knives or guns so it’s more like you pee in my food bowl, I crap in yours.
My 2nd source of inspiration comes from The Rolling Stones. They said “You can't always get what you want But if you try sometimes, well, you might find You get what you need”. This lyrical golden nugget can apply in the following situation. Say I have a nice juicy piece of chicken and Panda comes over and wants it. If she avoids conflict and walks away she will have my respect and admiration, which is really what she needs. I mean what could be more valuable then my respect and admiration? So you see allowing Panda to come to this conclusion resolves the conflict. Mick Jagger would be so proud.
My third source of inspiration comes from a wise man I knew in Russia. He lived in a small village outside of Novosibirsk called Kochki and worked at the only business in the town which was a borscht and underwear factory. Now I know what you’re thinking, that is a odd combination. It makes more sense knowing their slogan, which is, “Enjoy your Borscht, we’ve got your naughty bits covered”..admittedly it does sound more poetic in the native tongue. Anyway, during our interactions I would often hear him say, “when opinions differ, the one with the biggest mouth wins”. Now since foxes have mouths lined with 42 razor sharp teeth, this could be understood as the one more able to rip the other a new one is always the winner. Of course there is another way to interpret this, being the one more able to deliver a bombastic bloviating blitzkrieg will win..which is me.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - Feb 11, 2022
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad, How are all my adoring fans doing?? We have a special guest with us for our chat today, please join me in welcoming Yuri. How’s it going P-man? Pretty good Vlad, but why did you call me P-man. Well Yuri, you are a platinum color morph and platinum begins with P. Oh, ok Vlad. If I am being completely honest with you Yuri, many of the others call you this because whenever we get new water you immediately pee in it. Wow Vlad, that’s just not true. I mean maybe I’ve done that 3 or 4 times but it just hard to resist the urge to relieve one’s self into that nice clean cool water. Again Yuri, just being honest, it’s not 3 OR 4 times but rather 34 times, and that’s per day. Management constantly has to change out a full bowl of water because you’ve turned it into Yuri Lemonade. I think part of the reason Southern California has to ration water is because of you. P-man is actually the nicer of the nicknames that were discussed at the secret meeting. You almost got the nickname “Yurithra”. Secret meeting?? can we just change the subject Vlad.
Sure, tell us about your hobbies Yuri. Well Vlad, I like to eat. Is that it Yuri? Yes...well I guess there is another, I also like to think about eating. You seem to be in good shape for someone who is eating all the time, Yuri. Yes Vlad, I think that’s cause I worry a lot. What do you worry about? Mostly about when the next time I’m going to eat will be. So Yuri, what are your favorite foods? I have to admit I have a bit of a sweet tooth. I am a real fan of the breakfast pastries. Yes Yuri, we have heard you talk about bearclaws on several occasions, why do you like them so much? Jeez Vlad, I mean what’s not to like. I think a full discussion on this would take up more than your 2200 characters. Suffice it to say they are the perfect combo of sweet and chewy. I can also use the icing to stick them to my feet and pretend I’m a bear 🐻. We’ve entered a kind of weird area so I think we will sign off, anything else Yuri? Yes, Vlad, where is the cheese blintz you promised me???
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - Feb 18, 2022
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. I’m just hanging out with with my subjects today. You see one of the keys to being a successful leader is to be accessible. Getting out and mingling with the others is a way for me to get a pulse on everyone’s mood and to find out what kind of plots are floating around to undermine me. Yuri is a very good source for this information because first he is everyone’s friend and secondly he will tell you anything as long as you keep feeding him his beloved breakfast pastries. I nipped Panda’s last plot in the bud and all it cost me was a danish kringle. Just keep feeding the boy and sit back and listen. Foxes, by the way, are very good listeners.
People have studied the hearing range of us red foxes 🦊 and have found we can actually hear low frequencies better than dogs and our maximal absolute hearing sensitivity is better than any mammal that’s been tested. The low frequency range helps us hear things moving underground or even under snow. One of the projects that management has looked into for us is teaching us to do avalanche rescue. How would you feel about being stuck under several feet of snow with little hope of rescue but then digging through the snow you see my smiling face? If you happened to be rescued by Yuri he would no doubt expect an apple cruller as a reward. Oh, and foxes often pee on things we uncover in the snow so just a heads up on that.
I would expect that Freddie would not have the same hearing sensitivity as us red foxes. Have you seen his tiny little ears...maybe not because they are tiny and little. Arctic foxes are adapted to extremely cold environments. Just thinking about 70 below zero makes me sing soprano and red foxes are no slouches dealing with cold weather. Something had to go to deal with those conditions and it was the ears which loose heat.
Well, I need to get back to interrogating Yuri. I have a couple Dunkin munchkins which should get me some good intel.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - March 26, 2022
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. How are my peeps? I recently had a sit down with Sophie and learned some interesting stuff about the history of the JABCECC. Sophie was one of the original Belaev foxes that the founders brought to America. You see us Belaev foxes are a pretty big deal as we have been selectively bred for tameness for decades. There was even a TV program about us made by National Geographic. Anyway the story goes one of the founders asked the other if she had seen this. She said no but then went and found it and watched the program. She was immediately enchanted by us and said there had to be a way to get some to the US. Now rumor has it that she had a few glasses of wine 🍷 down the hatch at that point so it was assumed that thoughts of doing what had not been done before would quickly dissipate. This was not the case however and as time went on the need to meet one of us foxes only intensified. Many calls and emails where sent and finally it began to look like this could become a reality, they would be able to get one fox to America. Two videos were sent, one of a fox called Erik and one of a fox named Amy. These two couldn’t be any more different. Erik was quiet and calm, while Amy was LOUD and emotional. Logically, Erik would have been the best pick but the thought of leaving sweet, emotional Amy behind was just too much. So the decision was made to bring both foxes to America. They were renamed Boris and Sophie. 8 months after that night of a few too many glasses of wine they were finally here. Since then several more Belaev foxes have been brought to the JABCECC, including yours truly.
Sophie and Boris are kind of like royalty around here. We all respect our elders and are very happy those two made such a good impression that the decision was made to bring more of us over. Since that time other foxes have been brought to the center having been rescued from bad situations. Other species of Canids have also been brought here. We all do our best to make people realize what remarkable animals we are and that we have a right to live full and happy lives. It all started, however with a sweet little fox named Sophi
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - March 11, 2022
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. No, I have not impaled myself on a stick, although sometimes having to deal with some of the others here makes me want to do so. The truth is I am shedding which makes me super itchy. Foxes can have up to 20,000 hairs per square cm compared to humans who only have a couple hundred so you can imagine how itchy shedding can be. In a few months I will have my summer coat which will not only be dashing but will also help me keep me cool. All of the others are shedding as well but I called dibs on the stick. Management sometimes collects the hair so they have jars full of it. They keep saying they are going to have it spun into yarn and make socks out of it. Would anyone out there want some Vlad hair socks? The best part about them will be when they get wet it will reactivate the foxy smell. Many of you have probably experienced a wet dog smell but you have not lived until you’ve experienced a wet fox smell. We have a special gland on our tails called the violet gland. Other Canids can also have a gland here but many suggest ours is the most pungent. The chemical makeup of some of the secretions is actually similar to some of the chemicals found in the aroma of the violet flower but if you smelled it I guarantee you would not be thinking about flowers. Management sometimes calls it the violent gland. I take a bit of offense to this. I find the aroma from my violet gland to be quite delightful in a jarring sort of way. Now Yuri’s gland puts out some nasty funk but that is probably because of all they pastries that boy eats. We may need to sort out the Yuri hair before we make the socks otherwise they would give your odor eaters a run for their money. I need to go now and guard my stick. If one of the others tries to claim the stick for themselves there is going to be trouble and no one needs that right now.
Vlad out.
Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - April 1, 2022
Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. See the great hole I dug? Don’t let Yuri’s presence in to hole make you think he did any of the work digging it. He is probably just looking for any crumbs from the eclairs he ate the other day. For me this hole is the beginning of my very own fortress of solitude. Much like Superman needed a place to go to recharge, I need a place where I can get away from the constant bickering everyone does around here about trivial matters. It usually goes something like this. Lena yells, “Panda, did you poop in my food bowl?” Panda says, “Why would you blame me, I’m offended. To which Lena replies, “cause you always poop in everyone’s food bowl. And Panda says “ you have no proof of that.” Then everyone tells Panda all the times they have seen her poop in food bowls. Panda then tries to change the subject and talks about the the many times everyone present has bit her on the butt. Being the leader I guess it would be my responsibility to mediate this matter. I am expected to somehow channel the wisdom of Solomon and provide a solution. As if splitting the offending turd in two and giving part to each of the combatants would do the trick. I am sure you can now understand why I need a place for me time.
Now Superman’s fortress was in the Arctic which kept everyone away. That is not an option for me so I will need to get more creative. I will be able to keep Yuri out by just declaring it a pastry free zone but not the others. I could booby trap the entrance with land mines but I think I could have trouble getting that plan by management. I can just hear them discussing the numerous regulatory agencies that would frown on allowing explosives in the fox enclosures. I think my argument about desperate times requiring desperate measures would fall on deaf ears. I will just need to use my superior intellect. If I enthusiastically invite them into my fortress they will think it’s a trap and stay away, reverse psychology. They already don’t recognize my greatness and think I am a bit unstable. I have heard the term delusions of grandeur bandied about when referring to yours truly. That sounds like a plan.
Vlad out.