Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - Sept 3, 2021

Friday Chat w/ Vlad

Hey it’s Vlad. During the course of our chats you have had the incredible opportunity to get to know many aspects of me. You have learned about Vlad the leader, Vlad the conservationist, Vlad the humorist, Vlad the musician and Vlad the romantic. The side you have not seen yet is Vlad the cultured intellectual. So today we will rectify that with a poetry reading. Here is a poem by Stuart Hill

A VERSUS OF VIXENS
A versus of vixens
Cracked the day
In bright brittle shards
Of scattered screams
And broken barks.
We thought squirrels
Had been trapped
In a cage of teeth
And intents of death
But instead
Two living flames
Of rivalry,
Russet red with rage,
Fought a war
In lexicons
of fox and ferocity.
Until one withdrew
In a tumbled tangle
Of limbs and loss,
Bloodied and bowed
By whatever wounding word
Had found its mark.

Ok, so this poem says a lot about foxes. We are often all bark and no bite. If you guys could hear Sophie and Laika screaming you would know exactly what I am talking about. I would also say we are looking at iambic pentameter here with a delightful usage of alliteration. I also see the symbolism that alludes to the existential threat that occurs when ones color is described as a type of potato.

That was fun, here is one by D Rodgers called What Does the Fox Say

Vulpine barhopper
bays pick up line to new moon
Mama-dum-day-do

This one is in the form of haiku which is a Japanese form of poetry. Foxes are revered in Japan where they have shrines dedicated to them. I think a Vlad shrine would be delightful by the way. Back to the poem. Who doesn’t like the use of onomatopoeia in a poem.

And lastly and certainly not leastly here is a Vlad original.

There was this fox who liked eating ducks
Which made many around call him a schmucks
He said what’s the big deal
What I have for my meal
Frankly I just don’t give two fox.

I am sure you can all see the masterful usage of both the implicit and the explicit when describing the plight of this fox just trying satisfy his gastronomic desires. Do any of you have any favorite fox poems you would like to talk about?

Vlad out

Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - Sept 10, 2021

Friday Chat w/ Vlad

Hey it’s Vlad. Ok, so heads are going to roll. One of my “friends” here, thought it would a good idea to leak one of my baby photos to the interwebs in an attempt to embarrass me. I am sure you all can relate . You know the scenario. You’re sitting around with family and friends looking at photos when suddenly one is revealed that makes you want to hide under the cheese tray. It’s you, two years old, naked, fat rolls like the Michelin man, sitting on the potty with a silly grin on your face. Or better yet, naked, dimpled ass hoisted into the air, laying on a shag rug and once again, silly grin on face. Then of course there are the bathtub photos. Friends and family get quite a kick seeing you squirm, while you are trying to pretend you are not humiliated. Of course whichever of my “friends” posted this will have their ploy fail. Why?? Because I was the cutest baby ever, that’s why. And the rolls that might appear to be baby fat in the picture, are actually composed of baby muscle. Regardless of the failure, this betrayal will not go unanswered. Some say that revenge is a dish best served cold...I say no way, it is best served with a flaming bag of poo 💩. I just need to figure out the perpetrator. Viktor, Maksa and Mikhail are always too busy with their pub crawls, photo sessions and encounters to do something like this. That leaves one of the Novosibirsk nine, Lucan and the Coyote girls. Agnes and Wilson, the yote girls, are still getting used to stuff around here so I don’t think they did it. One of the Novo nine certainly would have the motive, jealousy, and the means, but maybe not the opportunity since we are together all the time. This dastardly deed would certainly fit the modus operandi of the #dorkwolf, and we have had dust ups in the past, but I don’t think he would have access to this picture. He would need an accomplice. I did see Panda 🐼 and Lucan together the other day. They will pay.

Vlad out

Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - Sept 24, 2021

Friday Chat w/ Vlad

Hey it’s Vlad. Ok so I’m not dead, I’m just totally exhausted. We had a group of researchers from the Canine Science Collaboratory at ASU out doing behavioral testing on us. Me, being the leader, had to make sure everyone played their part. Us Russian foxes had to be super friendly and yet sly and cunning. The American girls had to just try to hold it together. And then there’s Lucan our resident #dorkwolf. He just needed to be regal and aloof. Did he succeed? Have you seen the video of him? He wasn’t aloof, he was a great big doof. It wasn’t enough that he ran right up to this stranger and started licking him, he had to climb on him and get right in his grill. It looked like he was giving this poor guy a lap dance. Luckily the tester was a professional and took everything in stride. I, however, was mortified.

This test is designed to quantify how much canids like people, both familiar and unfamiliar. It consists of having a person sit in the middle of a 1 meter circle. The amount of time we spend in the circle with the human is recorded and used to determine how social we are. Dogs, for instance spend nearly all their time with the person. Foxes spend somewhat less….and #dorkwolves? Once again you’ve seen that Greek tragedy. This group has been collecting data for several years and should have a paper coming out soon. While we were not able to see the data, from what I heard and saw us Russian Foxes are going to be deemed as pretty special. And what about #dorkwolves? Don’t even get me started. I think we may have to send him away to join the circus, he would fit right in with the clowns.

Vlad out

#jabcecc #fridaychatwvlad #sandiego #socal #redfox #behavior #testing #conservation #canine #cognition #animal #tired #friday

Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - Oct 1, 2021

Friday Chat w/ Vlad

Hey it’s Vlad. All the ambassadors at JABCECC stand in solidarity with Lucan on his request for people to contact the Dept. of Fish & Wildlife and tell them to relist gray wolves to the endangered species list. As a fox, I know what it is like to killed for just being a fox. Millions of us die on fur farms every year. And then there’s fox hunting. Can anyone explain to me why some humans get off on seeing a fox ripped apart by dogs?? England passed laws to ban this but the law has so many loopholes that the hunt continues. Us Belyaev foxes were bred to love people but hearing all this makes it hard.

Agnes and Wilson, the coyote girls also support Lucan. There is hardly a more persecuted animal on the planet than the yotes. Killing contest sponsored by churches where the one who kills the most coyotes gets a lifetime subscription to field and stream magazine and a pocket fishermen. 1000s of coyotes are killed this way...come on people.

Grey wolves were hunted to near extinction in the United States. It is only thanks to a recovery plan put in place in the 80s that they exist today. They still only inhabit a small percent of their historic range. When the wolf came off the endangered species list, people at the state level who were entrusted with managing wolf populations are in some cases the same people that have social media pages about how to shoot a wolf and make it suffer maximally. It just makes no sense. As we speak there are hunters standing just outside Yellowstone Park waiting for a wolf to cross that line from federal land to state land. There have already been multiple wolves that have lost their lives this way. This isn’t just tragic for the individual wolf, the whole pack suffers. A wolf pack is just a family, they depend on one another. People who say the killing of a wolf does not affect the pack need to imagine loosing a member of their family. We have an opportunity to do something about this now. Please submit a comment at the following link.

https://www.regulations.gov/document/FWS-HQ-ES-2021-0106-0001

If you don’t, Vlad here may just have to leave something on your porch 💩 💩

Vlad out

Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - Oct 8, 2021

Friday Chat w/ Vlad

Hey, it’s Vlad. Today I’m gonna answer a few letters from members of my fan club. Yes...I have a fan club. It’s members are no doubt highly intelligent, good looking, delightful smelling, morally virtuous individuals. Real pillars of society. They join because they want to celebrate ME, & become canid crusaders. By my side, they fight for the lives of canids everywhere. They call themselves...the VLADIATORS.

The first letter comes from Chase, writing from Mud Butte SD

“Dear Vlad. What’s the deal between you and Lucan? Sometimes it seems like you two are the best of friends and other times it seems like you want to put cyanide in his kibble. #vladiatorsrule”

Chase, relationships can be complicated. Lucan and I get along fine and we both love our roles as ambassadors at JABCECC. You need to understand that we are very different beings. We agree when we can, disagree when we must, and always keep in mind that we share a common purpose. A great philosopher once said that relationships are like farts... If you push them too hard you’re just gonna get 💩.

The next letter is by Ruth of Humptulips WA.

“Hi Vlad ❤️ You are Soooo awesome and you’re such a hunk 💜. Will you marry me???❤️ 👰‍♀️ “

Hi Ruth, I am very flattered, really...but for obvious reasons it would never work out. 🦊 ≠👩

Now we’ll hear from Tammy Sue from Bugtussle KY.

“Howdy Vlad darlin’. Let me just say I’m happier than ol’ Blue layin’ on the porch, chewin’ on a big ol’ catfish head to be a Vladiator. I have loved foxes since I was knee high to a grasshopper. And you Vlad, you are to foxes as Waffle House is to high cholesterol. I reckon the awful things that some people do to canids makes me madder than a mule chewin’ on bumblebees. This Vladiator is ready to kick those evil doers where sun don’t shine.”

Hi Tammy Sue. Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit. Your letter made me grin more than a possum eatin’ a sweet tater.

Well what do you think? Aren’t my VLADIATORS awesome? Do you think you have what it takes to join the club? Can you imagine the joy it would bring you to think about my greatness 24/7? Tell me about it in the comments
- Vlad out

Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - Oct 15, 2021

Friday Chat w/ Vlad

Hey, it’s Vlad. Autumn has fallen upon the JAB Conservation and Education center. There is now a very evident chill to the air in the mornings. Vibrant green leaves are giving way to yellows and browns. The most telling sign of all is ambassador Ishy getting her winter coat. Unlike us Russian foxes, Ishy’s close relatives were selectively bred for fur quality. As we get closer to winter, Ishy will begin to resemble what can most accurately be described as a bloated marshmallow. This trait has earned her the nickname “Ishy Squishy”. Rather undignified if you ask me, but fitting none the less. While nothing like Ishy, us Russians are also getting a thicker coat. Some have commented that the Georgian reds Sasha and Vasily look like toasted marshmallows. And then there’s Viktor. He is a prime example of what not being bred for coat quality but rather for behavior can do. Frankly his attempts at getting a winter coat are down right embarrassing. At times he looks like a chupacabra with partial alopecia having a bad hair day. Of course my coat is perfect.

Truth be told it never really gets too cold at the center. We were born in Novosibirsk Russia which is in Siberia. If the mercury hits 0 F in the winter it is considered a balmy day. Some days it was so cold I feared my testicles had turned into ovaries..if you know what I’m saying.

It won’t be too long until we have our first snowfall at the center. We all love to run and play in the snow. There is a ramp in our habitat that we use as a ski slope. Last year, as I was running up to the ramp to slide down it, I saw my reflection in one of the steel posts the enclosure is made of. The sight of such a handsome fox caused a momentary lapse in concentration. Instead of skiing down on my feet, I kinda slid on my head and hit the ground with a thud. While flopping around trying to right myself, I must have kicked the ramp. When I did get back on my feet, my first sight was a large pile of snow sliding down the ramp…It struck me broadside and promptly put me back on my keister. There will be no repeat performance this year as I’m now more habituated to my beauty.

Vlad out

Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - Oct 22, 2021

Friday Chat w/ Vlad

Hey, it’s Vlad. Today I will again show what a giver I am by sharing my chat with one of the other ambassadors. Please welcome Agnes to the chat, hi Agnes. Hi Vlad, I am really excited to be here but I’m really nervous. No need to be nervous Aggy...just a little talk with your buddy Vlady, forget about the huge number of my adoring fans that tune in. No Vlad it’s not that, it’s just that I’m a coyote, and we are often nervous. You see Vlad, we’re mesopredators, which means while we are out looking for dinner, there are other things looking to make US dinner. If that isn’t enough, a lot of people get a thrill by killing us, so we tend to be a little antsy. You know Vlad, foxes are also mesopredators and people want to kill you guys as well, yet you’re so chill, like a hippy fox or a Rastafarian fox enjoying some Bob Marley and a little ganja..why is that? Well Agnes, in the same way that natural selection has made you more jumpy than a six legged kangaroo, artificial selection has made us Russian foxes cool as a Novosibirsk night. Scientists have found that selecting for tameness has changed our brains. But enough about me, I hear you have some news to share. Why yes Vlad. I am so happy to report that construction has begun on our expanded habitat. My sister and I are going to enjoy this so much. It’s going to encompass the whole hillside between Vulpine Valley, where you live Vlad, and Canis Canyon where our present enclosure is. There are trees and bushes and lots of stuff for us to play with. Once we are in there we are going to start an enrichment activity called grazing games. This is where our food is scattered around the enclosure and we get to use our senses to find it. We are also going to start our nose work training in the new habitat. I want to thank the volunteers that are donating their time and talents to build this for us. Also, JABCECC is spending thousands of dollars in material costs for this habitat. Donations are always appreciated to help pay for this. Or corporate sponsorships…Agnes and Wilson’s Tesla Terrace has a nice ring to to it, don’t you think Vlad? Way to go Agnes, aim high.

Vlad Out.

Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - Oct 29, 2021

Friday Chat w/ Vlad

Hey it’s Vlad. There are only a couple more days until Halloween 🎃. In Russia Halloween is not celebrated by many people probably due to its religious origins. Personally, I love it and not just because of the candy. You see the holiday was originally called all Saints eve or All Hallows’ eve. It occurred on the night before all Saints Day. This day was established in the year 837 to commemorate the saints of the world. Now, I am sure all my fans will instantly recognize why I would feel a connection to a day about Saints.

The tradition of dressing up for Halloween started in the early Middle Ages when people would put on short plays dressed in costumes. I will be dressing as Dracula 🧛‍♂️. This seems like a particularly appropriate costume for a few reasons. First, The story of Dracula is believed to be inspired by the 15 century ruler Vlad the Impaler. This chap had the exceptionally nasty habit of impaling his enemies on wooden pikes. Now, Vlad the fox 🦊, would never do such a thing...it would not be considered very domesticated. I have been known, however, to impale my foes on verbal pikes. Second, Dracula had the ability to shapeshift into a bat 🦇. Certain bats are often called flying foxes. See the connection??

I was originally going to dress like a smurf. I had gotten a bunch of blueberries and was going to roll around in them to achieve the proper skin tone. When I looked in the refrigerator they were all gone. It turned out that Maksa had taken them all. Many of you might know that Maksa’s favorite food is sparkling water with blueberries in it....she is a bit bougie.

Soon after Halloween we will have Thanksgiving and than Christmas. I would like everyone to know there are only 57 shopping days left to find Vlad that perfect Christmas gift.

Vlad out.

Fridays Chat w/ Vlad - Nov 5, 2021

Friday Chat w/ Vlad

Hey it’s Vlad. It is now November which means we are approaching the Holiday season. There will be holiday parties I will be expected to attend. As I am sure you can imagine I am the life of the party, but there is one party activity that I need work on. I know this comes as a shock to everyone as you believe I excel at everything. This is mostly true. I would say, however, I could use some work on my dance skills. Growing up in Russia I really wasn’t exposed to western dance styles. Sure I can do a killer prisyádka, also known as the Russian squat dance but I don’t think that will be useful at my holiday soirées. I will need to find which ambassador can give me some help. Lucan aka #dorkwolf is immediately OFF the list. I’ve seen the boys moves. He has all the skills of a mastodon with four left feet. Viktor thinks he can dance but truth be told he carries a few too many extra LBs to do any dance justice. When he really gets moving to the beat and then stops, his blubber just keeps right on dancing. We try not to body shame the boy but perhaps he should lay of the bonbons. I asked Ishy and Libby the American foxes if they could teach me any western dance moves but they weren’t much help. Ishy “squishy” has some of the same issues as Viktor. Libby is pretty high energy but she is into some modern techno fusion thing that required glow sticks. If I was going to a rave this might be fine but not for my holiday parties. None of the Novosibirsk 9 would have been exposed to western dance in Russia but I know Laika is very into fitness. You may have seen a video of her exercising in the oversized hamster wheel. I figured maybe she picked up some moves from exercise videos. Unfortunately, it seems that Lucan ate all the exercise CDs with the exception of booty boot camp and some tae bo ones. Now sure, I can shake my booty like a Polaroid picture, but again not appropriate for my holiday parties. Just as I was giving up all hope of getting assistance, I saw a video of Sophie strutting her stuff. All the elegance of Ginger Rogers, with the energy of a fly girl and a touch of foxy flair. I found my tutor.

Vlad out.